


Enjolras; or, the Revolutionaries

by two_days



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bottom Enjolras, Eating Disorders, Enjolras/Grantaire-centric, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Gay Panic, Getting Together, M/M, Minor Combeferre/Courfeyrac, Misunderstandings, Modern Era, Oscar Wilde - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Paris (City), Smut, Theatre, They're theatre majors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2019-10-05 22:44:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 38,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17333798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/two_days/pseuds/two_days
Summary: A senior playwrighting and directing double major, Enjorlas has adapted Oscar Wilde's 'Vira; or, the Nihilists'. It has chosen for his school's main stage, produced mostly by his Amis, a group of theatre majors who strive to spread social justice through art. But when Grantaire becomes the visual director and the director drops out last minute, Enjolras is forced to see his project through and finally face how he feels about the cynic.Four years ago, when they first met, Enjolras had been immediately drawn to him. But, in some circumstances or another, Enjolras caught Grantaire kissing someone else and he decided to hate Grantaire from then on.The stress of uni has been building up and it's visibly beginning to crack their marble leader.It's up to Grantaire, because there's nothing he wouldn't do, let's be honest, to save Enjolras from himself.Along the way, they might just reconcile and finally, finally be able to breathe.





	1. Fight for the Right to the Opera, Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras, at his wits end, just wants to do what he loves. He doesn't expect to be so hurt by the cynic's words, and he certainly doesn't expect Grantaire to notice.

There was part of Enjorlas that knew he couldn’t stay like this forever. His face couldn’t stay smushed into the coarse, blue pillow nor could his body stayed curled up tightly, shielded by the knitted red blanket. Part of him did, indeed, know that. However, another part, a much more weighted part, told him if he stayed like this the rest of the world would simply melt down around him. Leaving him alone. That’s okay. He could deal with that. He had to. Alone, at last. Alone at least. _Yes_ , he thought, _that is the very least a human being could be. Completely alone_.

 

         And there was silence. Well, silence until the every-too-familiar synth sound waves filled the still living room air. His alarm, as he suspected it did with most people, tapped at a deep, guttural fight or flight response he suspected was buried when the cavemen evolved. Buried until those few brief moments of panic before his slim, ringed fingers found his phone and forcefully turned it off. Silence once more that fluttered only with Enjolras’ soft sigh as he slowly stretched out his long limbs despite their adamant protests.

 

         Once Enjolras had finally managed to untangle his limbs and sit upright like a normal human being, he checked the time on his phone. It took a moment for his bleary eyes to adjust to the electronic brightness but he could soon read “20:01”. _Perfect_ , Enjolras mused as he sat up and stretched his arms above his head, _time to get coffee before the meeting_. With time left to be a half hour early, of course.

 

         After a thorough readjustment in his bathroom mirror, Enjolras deemed his appearance passable. Of course, the grey, weighted eye bags still loomed underneath his bright blue eyes and his gaunt cheeks, in his opinion, made him resembled a rat or a skeleton rather than an actual human being, but it was the best he could manage. Maybe one day he could do better. He hoped so, at least.

 

 

The Musain is not what most people would quality as a typical café. They, of course, served coffee but that was really the only thing justifying the ‘Café’ part of the title. What immediately caught the eye were five full length windows that were made of stained glass. They depicted the student driven revolt that followed General Jean Maximilien Lamarque’s death in 1832 France. Since the café was built near the events, the creators thought it only fitting to depict the historical barricade in the main display. The display, of course, painted the revolutionaries in a favorable light. It wouldn’t be Enjolras’ favorite spot in Paris if it didn’t.

Inside, were black wooden tables with red velvet seats. That alone made the place look a bit like a night club at first glance, and to be fair the Musain did hold it’s fair share of midnight parties, but the massive wall of books soon suggested otherwise. In the main room, that is where most of the guests resided, was a wall entirely covered in books, new and old, that covered every topic imaginable. In the main room there was a coffee bar from behind which workers provided costumers with such imaginative flavors ranging from ‘lavender’ to ‘butterscotch’ to ‘wine’.

 

Once Enjolras had ordered his usual iced triple shot Americano with almond milk, he headed back into the meeting room. Well, Enjolras, along with the rest of the Amis referred to it as the meeting room, it was actually supposed to be a quiet room for costumers. Oops. Enjolras had long since given up feeling bad about it. It was just too perfectly suited for their needs. And besides, the Amis made up probably 30% of their profits, they all practically lived here.

 

As Enjolras set his shoulder bag down at the table and took his usual seat at the head of the table, he allowed himself a breath. Just one. To appreciate what he loved most about the room, skylight, or rather glass ceiling, that made up the entirety of the room’s ceiling. There was something comforting about looking up and being reminded of how small everything was. Not that he would tell that to anyone, least of all Grantaire, who would jump on any chance to prove that all Enjolras’ efforts were futile anyway.

 

Speaking of the artist, once Enjolras had torn his gaze from the night sky, he saw that, on the black boards that covered three fourths of the walls, were all covered in scribbles. _No_ , Enjolras observed upon further inspection, _they’re people_. There was figure in particular, _probably some Greek god, Grantaire has a thing for those_ , that looked like it was about to step out of two-demensional reality and have a conversation with him. _Maybe I do need more sleep_. He thought.

 

“ENJY” _oh god, here we go._ Thought Enjolras, hearing the call. Courfeyrac, energized as ever, leaped down the two steps that lead into the room, and crossed over to Enjolras. “Cast lists are up.” Courf informed him, excitement evident in his voice. “Oh, yeah?” Enjolras prompted, giving him a tired smile to substitute for enthusiasm.

 

“You should sound more excited, it’s your play.”

 

Enjolras refrained from sighing, “I didn’t ask to have it produced.”

 

“No, you just submitted it and happen to remarkably talented.” Countered Courf.

 

“What part did you get?” Prompted Enjolras, choosing to change topics rather than get a lecture.

 

“Michael.” Courf informed him, grinning broadly.

 

“I hoped they would. Congratulations, Courf.” Enjorlas responded, genuinely pleased with the director’s choice. “And who’s playing Vira?” Enjolras added, realizing that he should probably know the title character.

 

“Eponnine, of course”

 

“Of course.” Enjorlas nodded approvingly. “Wait, who’s the visual director?”

 

“And choreographer. They’re combined now.”

 

“Cossette quit?” Enjolras asked, surprise evident in his voice.

 

“Last minute. She got into LAMDA’s internship program, someone dropped out.” Explained Courf looking far too smug than he usually did.

 

“Good for her. So who is the visual director and choreographer?” Enjolras pressed.

 

“That would be me, Enjy _darling_.” A voice, drenched in sarcasm and tainted with dark satisfaction rang through the room.

 

_No, oh please god no. Anyone but-_

“Grantaire?” Enjolras asked in a particularly strangled voice, turning around to see the cynic himself posed dramatically in the staircase.

 

“That’s Sir Grantaire,” correctly Grantaire smugly, descending the staircase to stand with Enjolras and Courfeyrac.

 

“Being a director-“ Enjolras started.

 

“And choreographer” Courf interjected.

 

“And choreographer,” ground out Enjolras, “doesn’t make you a sir.”

 

“It’s out of your hands now, Enjy-“ Teased Grantaire.

 

“ _Enjolras_ ” He all but spat out, receiving a look from Courfeyrac that Enjolras couldn’t quite understand.

 

“You adapted it, wrote it, put it out into the world and I’m sure good ole’ Oscar Wilde’s quite grateful but now it’s beyond your control.” Shrugged Grantaire, looking far too smug about it.

 

“The director’s first duty is to the playwright.” Countered Enjolras, his energy started to pour into him like molten lava pours out of a volcano.

 

“Hey, it’s not my fault your turned down directing this. No one asked you to.” Argued Grantaire, but with no anger, only pure amusement. And that just pissed Enjolras off more.

 

“I didn’t ask for it to be chosen to begin with!”

 

“You submitted it!” Grantaire pointed out.

 

“Because everyone wanted me to-“

 

“Since when do you do what people want-“

 

“Because it’s my last semester and I thought why not!”

 

“As if. You wanted to be chosen. To be special. Just like the rest of us. Just admit it, Enjolras. It’s okay to be human.” Prompted Grantaire, sounded slightly exasperated.

 

“Oh, thank you for your life advice. I didn’t know you were aware of the human condition.” Spat Enjolras, his patience slipping.

 

“Hey, at least I _live_. I know more about what it is to be human.”

  
         “Oh, yeah? And why’s that?” Enjolras challenged, blue eyes flamed with a cold fury.

 

“Because I know human’s are shit. Plain and simple. I know this because I’m a shit human, just like the rest of them. And I don’t expect anything more from them. I don’t force unrealistic change on them and then act dumbfounded what _jack shit happens_ ” Grantaire rambled, fueled on by how red Enjolras’ face was becoming.

 

“I’m human too. I know what it is to be human and what we are capable of. The only thing stopping us are people like _you_ who manufacture their beliefs to justify doing _nothing_ and say ‘I told you so’ if nothing does.” Flamed Enjolras, aggravated even more by Grantaire’s refusal to show annoyance. _He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything_.

 

“Oh, my glorious Apollo. You mistake yourself for human when the Greek gods would be remis without you.” Grantaire taunted with that smug, tight smile he always wore whenever he made fun of Enjolras’ appearance.

 

“That’s not an answer to my comment, so I will take that as assurance that you agree with my point.” 

 

“Take it however you like, Enj. I don’t know you waste so much time trying to make me agree with you. What good will it do you? Changing my mind won’t change the human condition. Know what I think?” Mused Taire, challenging Enjolras with his eyes.

 

“I think deep down you know, deep, deep down, you know you can’t change anything. Anything substantial, anything lasting. So you settle for insignificant tasks. Changing my mind, for example. So it doesn’t matter if you never get anywhere because it’s just a cover anyway.” Grantaire explained and Enjolras felt his words poke into his skin like razors.

 

He never knew why, never really stopped to think why, the cynic’s words held so much poison in them but none the less, despite Enjolras’ layers of skin he built up, they did, if they were aimed just right. Courfeyrac, who had previously given up on conversation and had sat down to read the script on his phone, could feel the silence that followed as almost a physical weight. He knew Enjolras better than almost anyone, so he could read the silence enough to know that Grantire had struck a blow Enjolras couldn’t just brush off. And when Enjolras got defensive, he got mean. And that’s a path Courf just didn’t have the energy to go down.

 

“That’s a record. A full fight before even everyone gets here. Keep it up you two and you’ll set a world record.” Courf chirped sarcastically, standing up to provide a barricade between the two.

 

There was a moment of icy silence before Enjolras finally dropped his gaze from Grantaires and walked back to where his bag was at the table, sat down, and started setting his laptop up for the meeting.

 

For a moment, the briefest of seconds, Taire could have sworn he had seen hurt in Enjolras’ eyes. But that would be impossible. If Grantaire’s words ever had any effect on Enjorlas that would mean the blonde actually valued Grantaire’s opinion, valued Grantaire himself. And that was a reality he just couldn’t make himself believe.

 

As Grantaire settled himself in his usual seat, the corner furthest away from Enjolras, he carefully watched the blonde. If it wasn’t Enjolras, beautiful, marble, Enjolras he would have sworn he saw bags under his eyes. Dark bags that stood out against his unusually pale skin. Was he sick? No, Enjolras didn’t get sick. He really did have the immune system of the gods. Probably just wasn’t sleeping enough. Nothing new. Nothing Enjolras couldn’t handle. He hoped.


	2. Even Marble Cracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras, stilled fueled by him and Grantaire's earlier altercation, attempts to regain control by leading the meeting. But what happens when Grantaire pushes the exhausted Enjolras too far? Grantaire feels like a really shitty person, that's what.  
> That, and there's an apology breakfast. Because Grantaire is an adult and Enjolras needs help.

Over the next half hour, the rest of the Amis slowly flocked into the room. This broke the, rather uncomfortable if you asked Courf, silence that had plagued the room after Enjolras’ and Grantaire’s fight.

 

         Combeferre took his usual seat between Enjolras and Courf, who took his hand, discreetly, under the table as soon as Ferre set his stuff down. It tooks them months for Ferre to stop complaining, but eventually Courf got him to realize that recognizing affection in a public setting wasn’t hurting the meeting environment. If Courf’s lucky, Ferre will let him kiss the speckled revolutionary. Occasionally. Honestly, in the beginning it took Enjolras, their closest friend (really their brother) to recognize they were dating. Then again, Enjolras is usually a little oblivious but hey, he does his best.  

 

         Enjolras watched the rest of his friends gather into the room. There was almost nothing he loved more than his friends. But in that moment, when breath felt tight in his chest, his head seared, and he still was trying to brush off Grantaire’s comments, he wanted nothing more than to pull up a curtain around himself. _Why are they so loud?_ He took a deep breathe, collecting himself, and stood up, beginning the meeting. In his focusm Enjolras missed the curious eyes of a cynic, looking at him with surprised concern.

 

         The beginning of the meeting pretty well. Everyone was tired from their classes, especially the dance majors of the group, but the overall enthusiasm the group had for the ABC created a warm environment. Enjolras, despite the building exhaustion that he was starving off, presented the agenda for the meeting clearly. First they discussed fundraising tactics because as much as they railed against capitalism, it was a reality of their situation and they needed funding.

 

         “Next,” Enjolras’ clear and commanding voice announced, “We need to discussed the protest performance piece. As you all know, we were going to perform my play, or rather adaptation, _Vira; or, the Nihilists_ but, surprisingly-“

 

         “We all called it.” Interjected Joly.

 

         “ _Surprisingly_ ”, Enjolras carried on, a small smile hidden in the corner of his lips, “it was chosen for the mainstage show. I’m sure most of you know this, as most if not all of you are working on the upcoming production. But, none the less, we need to find another piece. Any suggestions?” Enjolras inquired, walking to one of the blackboards and picking up a piece of chalk.

 

         “Let me get this straight, _Apollo_ ,-“ The gruff, smug voice of Grantire started. Enjolras could just _feel_ his lungs close up, bracing himself for the shit storm that was bound to happen. “You play, your piece you wrote as protest art, gets chosen by a foundation, a private college none the less, and you give in? Like that. See? What did I tell you, Enj. Even the best intents fall.”

 

         “So you want me to turn down the offer?”

 

         “God no, I think it’s wonderful. The best thing that could happen to your play actually.”

 

         “Oh, and why’s that?” Enjolras challenged.

 

         “Because it would never work.” Grantaire replied, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

 

         “What do you mean?”

 

         “Don’t get me wrong, Enj, the writing’s great. But what will it ever do more than entertain people for an hour and a half? _Nothing_. You theatre majors think art can change the world. Art mirrors life, mirrors art or what the fuck ever. But you forget, Enjolras, that people believe that seeing something mean’s they’ve changed something. The most, the absolute _most_ you will ever get out of an audience member is a second thought. Nothing more than that. No rally, no petition, no legal change or social reform.” Rampaged Grantaire, so caught up in his rant that he didn’t even see the how the words stung the other man. How Enjolras, in all his fury, had water in his eyes. “I mean look at you! You’re the prime example! You spend all this time, all this effort, destroying yourself over this play because you think it will matter or whatever. You make something to change the world and you fall right into the system!”

 

         “It’s a larger platform. A more connected audience. It’ll be put on by our people-“ Retaliated Enjolras, gripping the edge of the blackboard to stop his hands from shaking.

 

         “Except the director. You know, the leader.” Snorted Grantaire.

 

         “Except them, fine. A bigger platform, control over the production. Use the system to beat the system.” Fought Enjolras, every ounce of his exhaustion and building panic pushing his words out with such fire that the Amis started to suspect that this was not like their usual fights. Unfortunately, Grantaire didn’t see that.

 

         “The system is _fuck_ Enjolras. Wasn’t it you who said that? You say all these things and then do jack shit to actually change them. And I mean actual change. Change that doesn’t trickle down but blast us, gives us something to hope for. I’m sorry, dearest Apollo, but you, and your efforts, will never be enough to change this rotten world. The play is lovely, but it ends at that. Just words on a page.” Grantaire exclaimed, opening his arms wide in a dramatic stance as he got more and more worked up. And he didn’t know what on earth possessed him to say it, but to finish it, Grantaire took a step towards Enjolras and sneered, “You failed. You never had a change to begin with. Not in this world.”

 

         There was silence, at least in the room. But in Enjolras’ brain there was a buzzing, a clamoring, a crescendo of panic. ‘You failed’ ‘Not enough’ ‘Futile’ ‘Quit’ all swarmed around, knocking his brain around and searing his conscious with pain. His eyes, so determinedly matching Grantaire’s gaze, finally looked down before the cynic could see the tears finally surpass Enjolras’ eyes. In his chest, though it felt more like a cage, contracted and _how can hollow feel so heavy?_ Combeferre caught the surge in Enjolras’ breathing, the surge that rippled and skipped and sped.

 

         “What’s that Apollo? Conceding at last? Or have you finally decided that I’m not worth your time-“ Grantaire started to jest only to be cut off by a harsh “Grantaire,” by Combeferre.

 

         Combeferre stood up quickly, standing in between the two, “That’s enough.” He informed Grantaire, softly, but unusually sharp for him. Ignoring Taire’s confused look, Ferre turned around quickly and took Enjolras by the shoulders. Almost as if his body had been waiting for a brace, Enjolras, much to the absolute horror of Grantaire, sunk into Ferre’s touch, almost lurching forward as though he couldn’t support himself anymore. And then a sound, a sound that will haunt Grantaire for what suspects is the rest of his life, came from the blonde. Enjolras’ breath became suddenly so heavy, so rapid and unpredictable. Carried with his breathe rattled a sob, so guttural and helpless that Grantaire had to look away. Such a sound could not come from such a perfect human’s lips. But yet, here Enjolras was, sobbing in Ferre’s arms. _He’s having a panic attack_ , Grantaire realized in horror. And fuck, if he didn’t feel like the absolute human on earth. _Nothing_ got to Enjolras. He was the fearless leader, their rock. _Even marble can crack_ , thought Grantaire distantly as he watched Ferre hurriedly steer Enjolras out of the room.

 

         Without thinking, Taire blindly followed. He wished he hadn’t, because the sight of Enjolras, horribly pale, shaking, and just so _small_ all but collapsed in Ferre’s hold as they sat on the steps outside steps all but tore Grantaire to the very fiber of his being. _Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Then, because he really didn’t know when to quit, Grantaire stepped forward and in a small voice he didn’t even know belonged to him, projected, “Um..., Enj...”

 

         Ferre looked up sharply, a fierce protectiveness evident in his voice as he spoke, “You’ve done enough.” Then, soften a little, “Let me calm him down, okay? And then you can talk to him just _please_ leave him alone.”

 

         And Grantaire, because of course he did, nodded and ran. Ran past his Apollo and into the Paris night.

 

Grantaire ended wandering the streets for most, if not all of the night. He had his fair share of panic attack himself, hidden away on a dock. And it took absolutely everything from going to a bar and searching for oblivion. Sweet, sweet oblivion. But to break his two year sobriety, for this, would be too selfish. Far to selfish and fuck if he didn’t already hate himself enough already.

 

         When the sun started rising, he somehow ended up back at the Musain. Obviously, all his friends had gone home by that time, but they were open. Another, _beautiful_ , perk of the Musain was 24 hour service. Grantaire stumbled in, nodding to the server in greeting and ordered himself two shots of expresso and a breakfast sandwich. _Fuck_ , he thought as the idea came to him, _it was the least he could do_. So Grantaire left the Musain, fifteen minutes later, with two breakfast sandwiches in one hand and an iced triple shot Americano with almond milk in the other.

 

         When he reached Enjolras’ apartment, which wasn’t far, his plan was to just leave the breakfast on Enj’s doorstep with an stupid doodle or something. Because it was 5:43 am and who the fuck besides a self-loathing cynic would be up and about at this hour?

 

         Unfortunately, Enjolras was not most people. He was sitting at his desk, which just so happened to be right in the window facing the street, writing. _Fuck me_. Grantaire sighed, upon seeing the blonde. At least Enjolras looked a little better. The dark circles had deepened and he was sure Enjolras could slit Grantaire’s throat with his cheek bones, _he would deserve it_ , but at least he was functioning. _You’re pathetic_ , Taire reminded himself, just as he had that last thought.

 

         Still, he had come this far. He would just sneak past and- _oh fuck_. Enjolras had looked up and now Taire was making eye contact with those beautiful, encapsulating blue eyes that looked dimmed with exhaustion. Enjolras, who was more surprised than anything, raised an eyebrow. In response, Grantaire held up the coffee and wrapped sandwich with the most uncomfortable smile on his face.

 

         It took a moment, but Enjolras registered what Grantaire was saying and disappeared from the window. _Fair enough_ , Taire thought, about to start walking away from the building when he heard a door open.

 

         “Have you been out all night?” Enjolras asked, leaning out of his doorway in a sweater that was way, _way_ to big on his tiny frame and Grantaire had to seriously concentrate to not picture how easy it would be to slip his fingers under the sweater, letting his fingers feel the- _What the fuck is wrong with you_.

 

         “Have you slept at all?” Countered Grantaire, unsure as to how he was achieving the casual banter tone his voice had acquired.

 

         “Too much to do.” Responded Enjolras, as though it were obvious. “What’s this?” He asked, motioning to the contents in Taire’s hands.

 

         “An apology? Or, at least, a lame attempt at beginning one?” Taire offered feebily.

 

         Enjolras regarded Taire with an expression he couldn’t read for the life of him before opening the door wider. “Come in.”

 

         And oh, _he was so fucked_. And so he did.


	3. Apology Breakfast Makes the World Go Round

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An apology breakfast, an unexpected conversation, and a nap.

When Taire stepped in, hesitantly he noted, Enjolras made sure he was in before closing the door against the cool morning air. Grantaire looked, well, like shit. His dark eyes appeared cavernous beneath the layers of exhaustion underneath his eyes. His body, however, looked ready to flee at any moment.

         Enjolras, on the other hand Grantaire noted, looked oddly composed.  There was a sullen undertone to his voice, and the slight delay in his movements betrayed how tired he was. But, he did looked composed. And Grantaire would almost be led to believe it, because if there was anything in this world Grantaire would even vaguely consider believing it would be Enjolras. Not that he’d ever give Enj that satisfaction. Yes, Enjolras looked composed. Or, actually, he would if not for the distinct red that still clouded his skin around his eyes. The more Grantaire looked, in this increasing awkward silence, the more he could see the marks of humanity Enjolras tried to hide.

         Taire was so busy accessing the blonde, he it took him a moment to realize that said blonde was staring right back. “I want to say something to you, Grantaire. Something I should have said last night.” Enjolras’ calculated voice began, breaking the silence. And oh, god how Grantaire missed that silence already. It was far more comfortable than any argument they were about to have.

         Enjolras observed Grantaire intensely, waiting for a sign the cynic was infact listening. Once Grantaire gave him a small nod, Enjolras took a breath and continued.

         “I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night.” _What_. “It was unprofessional and selfish of me. You’re a member of the Amis, although I’m still trying to understand why you want that..” He added, a hint of his actual voice coming through. But it wasn’t with malice. Grantaire could swear he heard a hint of reluctant amusement before Enjolras returned to his ‘speaker’ voice.

         “But you’re a member all the same. And I should have listened to your opinions, your concerns. As leader, I should have that capability. So, I’m sorry, please accept my apology.” Enjolras concluded, eyes boring into Taire’s with a look he couldn’t quite figure out.

         “Bullshit.” Grantaire answered, smiling because he _really_ didn’t know when to quit.

         “Excuse me?” Enjolras pressed, confusion boarding on anger.

         “You do listen, you just don’t agree. That’s what we do, we argue. We annoy our friends. It’s our thing, you know?”

         Enjolras bit his lip, “All I wanted was to apologize to you, Grantaire. I’ve had...I’ve had a rough night okay? I thought you, of all people, could understand people mess up.” He spat, anger growing in his demeanor.

         “Thanks for that.” Taire rolled his eyes, but _no, no Enjolras will not turn this into another fight. He came here to apologize, damnit._ Taire held out the coffee and bagel.

         At least, that’s what Taire was sure they were but judged on the look Enj fixed him they might be from outer space. “What’s that for?”

         “Do you know why I’m giving you breakfast?” Taire asked in a very guiding tone. Enjolras shook his head, waiting for Taire to continue. “It’s an apology. An apology breakfast.” He explained, and then when Enjolras _still_ didn’t move from his state of confusion, Grantaire added “For you. I’m sorry. For how I treated you. I didn’t mean to cause...all that.”

         “What? Grantaire, you didn’t...That was...fuck.” Enjolras sighed, scrubbing his face, that was adorably red Taire couldn’t help but notice, with his hands for a moment. “I lost my control, for a moment, and it screwed the meeting over. I’m sorry-

         “Jesus Christ Enj will you stop saying you’re sorry? You had a _panic attack_. That’s what it was, you know that right? I mean you must-I’m not trying to you call you dumb or-And I feel like a fucking dick for doing that to you. I don’t know what kind of martyr complex you’ve got but Enjolras, that wasn’t your fault. Okay? I’m sorry, I fuck up, a lot actually, so just, here-“ Grantaire stumbled over his words, emphasizing the bagel and coffee. “Just take them so I can go an die of embarrassment somewhere it won’t inconvenience you.” Taire pleaded, because Enjolras was just standing there. Why? The man was a genius, why was this so hard to figure out?

         “You..you don’t need to apologize. It’s not your fault I-I know you say it’s not mine but well, I’ve just...just been tired. And with my play being chosen I Just..it got out of hand. I usually have a much better handle.” Enjolras mumbled out stubbornly because this man did not know when to quit. The redness in his face and the obsessive way his fingers fiddled with the hem of his sweater suggested that Enjolras was extraordinarily uncomfortable.

         _Okay_ , Taire thought reluctantly, _I’m in this deep. Might as well die trying_. Then Taire sat on Enjolras’ couch, and patted the space next to him like it was Taire’s couch. And _fuck Enj looks so adorable when he’s confused as hell_.

         “What?” Enjolras asked, trying to put on an air of control but it came out much softer than he planned.

         “Have you slept?” Grantaire asked simply, as thought he were asking a toddler.

         “Yesterday night..? Why?”

         “Sit.”

         “What?”

         “Enjolras, it’s not that hard. Sit.” Grantaire emphasized, patting the space next to him. And by some miracle, Enjolras actually did. It took longer than a normal human would take to sit down, he sat literally on the other end of the couch as taire, and his posture was so stiff if Taire poked him he would probably fall over. But, none the less, here he was.

         “Good, yeah, um good...Do you..fuck, well do you want to talk about...anything?” Grantaire asked, each word taking an extreme amount of control to say. _Why on earth would he want to talk to you? He hates you. You caused this. You did. You piece of shit. He probably wants to talk to Ferre or Courf. You know, his friends? Anyone but you-_

         Oh, Enjolras was actually speaking. “-the play, I really didn’t expect to be chosen. And I felt so guilty for feeling proud, because, you’re right, accepting that goes against the very nature of that piece. And then you just highlighted my failures and smacked me in the face with them. Which I should be able to handle I just, I hadn’t slept in a while- and, well-“

         “Woah, woah, Enj. Enjorlas, listen. You didn’t fuck up. You know most of what I say is absolute bullshit right? Whatever I think will get a reaction out of you. Why? Because I’m a shit human being. Anyway, my point is that I’m really proud of you, not that that should make anything matter-“ _It does_ , flashed across Enjolras’ mind. “Fuck, what I mean is that you should be proud. This is a bigger audience, and it will help your career. I mean, genuinely, so happy that I’m getting the chance to work on it.”

         “Really?” Asked Enjolras, sounding genuinely shocked.

         “Are you fucking kidding me? Of course. Enjolras, you know you wrote, like a masterpiece right? And then you added experimental movement. It’s my playground. My dream. Yeah, I’m pumped.” Grantaire answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world because, well, he believed it was.

         “Actually? Oh, that’s good to know. When Courf said you were going to be the visual director I-“ Enjolras cut himself off, biting his lip.

         “You were afraid I was going to tank your project.” Grantaire finished for him.

         “Not purposefully.” Enjolras replied hurriedly. “It’s just nothing you believe in-“

         “Which is nothing.” Grantaire, helpfully, interjected.

         “Exactly. So, I’m sorry, this makes me sound so bad, but I was just worried, okay? And they way you were talking about it later didn’t exactly reinforce any confidence. And, like I said, I hadn’t slept so, it just kind of hit me, you know?” Enjolras explained earnestly.

         “Hey, I get it. It’s your project, your cause. I know I can be a dick but please believe me when I say I would never fuck with someone else’s creation. I’m a dance major, I get it.” Grantaire emphasized, looking Enjorlas in the eyes because he _needed_ him to understand this. “To be honest, I’m terrified. I mean this is your project and I’m suddenly half in charge of it? I know you already hate me so already I’m not in the best-“

         “I don’t hate you.” Enjolras, surprisingly forcefully, interjected. “I wish I could.” He added, softer.

         ‘What? Why- I mean...Nevermind, umm what I mean is that, I really really want to do well by your Enjolras. I need you to know that. And I know that won’t quell your fears or anything but, oh hey, I know you said you don’t want to be involved but, well do you think you would feel better about it if you sat in on a few rehearsals?” Taire asked, the idea coming to him. His brain couldn’t process the first part, he had too much self preservation.

         “Oh, that’s not a bad idea.” Enjolras considered. “When’s the first rehearsal?”

         “Today, at 5. So you have like eleven hours.”

         “To?”

         “Sleep.”

         “Grantaire, I have too much-“

         “Enjolras, so help me god I will sit on this couch the entire day if I must. You need sleep, you are human, incase you forget.” Grantaire said, getting up. Coffee and breakfast sandwich in hand, Taire walked over to the fridge and put them in it. “There, all ready for when you wake up.” He then proceeded to take a blanket that was folded behind the couch and toss it at Enjolras before sitting back down. “And you, you will take a nap on this couch. And I’m going to sit here- just until you fall asleep, don’t give me that look- and sleep until rehearsal. Okay?”

         “I don’t need a babysitter-“

         “ _Enjorlas_ ” Grantaire pressed, not sure what was possessing him but it was too late to turn back now.

         And then, the second miracle of the day. “Okay.” Before he, admittedly awkwardly, started to lie down so he was curled up on half the couch. “Are you-“

         “Goodnight, Enj.” Grantaire smiled, throwing a pillow lightly at the other man’s face. Enjolras laughed, catching it and putting it underneath his head.

         He looked like a dream, or a painting, or a hallucination. His golden, blonde didn’t do it justice, curls haloing his head. Enjolras looked so soft, and just so tired from the world Grantaire wanted to hold him and use his own body as a shield against everything that plagued him.

         No sooner had he finished waxing poetry in his head about Enjorlas that Taire noticed he had already fallen asleep. _Figures. He must have been exhausted_. Okay, well, that was his cue to leave.

         Except that, it was cold. And his flat was so far away. And he was _tired_. _A power nap. Five minutes. And then I’ll walk home_. Concluded Grantaire, his lack of sleep catching up with him. So, just in case, he set an alarm on his phone for 4 pm, before leaning back against the couch, taking once last sustaining look at Enjolras right next to him before closing his eyes.

 


	4. He Brought Me Coffee?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a refreshing nap, Enjorlas and Taire wake up...together. Well, on the same couch. Surprisingly, things aren't horrible after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I yearn for the day Grammarly doesn't fight to make Taire's name 'tire' or Enj's 'enjoy' or 'angst'

_I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT. I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT. I LIKE TO MO-_

Taire slammed his hand down so quickly on his phone it was lucky he didn’t break it.

         “Is that really your alarm?” A sleepy, muffled, but amused voice sounded. Grantaire opened his eyes, making sure first and foremost his alarm was actually off. When he looked down he saw legs, in tight black jeans thrown across his lap. _What?_ Grantaire’s confused gaze followed the legs and found they were attached to a waist, which was connected to a thin torso, which then connected to- _Oh fuck me_. Enjolras’ face, still confused with sleep, attached to the torso. His beautiful, godly if you asked Taire, blonde curls were unruly in a way that somehow made him even more attractive. _I wonder if this is anything like how he looks like after­- NO._ Underneath his hair, Enjolras’ eyes were slowly blinking open, though it looked like his body was fighting with everything it had to go back to sleep.

         “Jesus Christ Apollo, when was the last time you slept?” Taire mumbled, smirk evident in his voice as he took in the glorious sight of Enjolras with bedhead, yawning so intensely he could swallow someone’s face.

         Enjolras’ hand came up and cleared the hair out of his face which gave his poor tired eyes more of a chance at adjusting. Once they had, Enjolras looked at Taire with a state of pure confusion. “I slept?”

         “Yeah,” Taire replied cheerily, checking his phone. “For eleven hours. You need to sleep more, Enj.”

         “Hey, you slept too.” Enj pointed out, though there was no malice in it. He still appeared to be adjusting to the real world. _How long have I- Taire, taire when did he get here? Oh, right._ Enjolras caught himself up, hating how slow his brain was. It’s inconvenient. This is why he never slept, too much to do. _Too much to do. I’ve lost eleven hours-_ He started to spiral.

         “ _Enjolras_ ” Taire called, making the blonde’s head snap up to look at him. “I can _feel_ you panicking from here. Stop. It’s just a nap, you needed it.”

         “No,  I –“

         “You did. And you still have an hour before rehearsal starts.”

         “Why are you being nice to me?” Enjolras asked, suspicion evident in his voice.

         “Why wouldn’t I?”

         “You don’t like me.”

         “I do.”

         “We argue all the time.”

         “So?”

         “You hate everything I want.”

         “No, I- Nope, Enjolras I don’t hate you, okay? Honestly, I’m surprised you don’t hate me after last night. I mean at the meeting I was a dick, I’m usually a dick to you.”

         “Why? If it’s not because you don’t like me.”

         _Nope, not going down there_. “You over exhausted and none of us can remember the last time you ate a proper meal. You had a panic attack and actually left a meeting. You need help, Enj.”

         “I don’t-“ Enjolras started because goddamnit that’s all he does.

         “It’s not a bad thing. You say that all the time, remember?” Taire smirked, knowing he won that.

         Enjolras regarded him for a moment, for realizing he was still spread along the entire couch, the lower half of his legs still resting on Taire’s lap. As though touched by fire, Enjolras quickly retracted them, sitting up in a flash. So quickly it almost made him dizzy, which is what made him remember- “Coffee. You brought me coffee earlier.” Enjolras stated.

         “Yeah, it’s in the fridge.”

         Enjolras nodded, getting up from the couch. As he walked, Enjolras swung his arms out in front of him and over his head causing his sweater to rise up, and Granatire genuinely could not help but admire the soft skin that painted his hips and how elegantly it trailed down below the waist of his jeans. Enjolras looked back at Taire who tore his gaze up quickly to Enj’s eyes. “Can I...um get you anything?” Enjolras asked, hovering near his coffee pot.

         A part of Taire really wondered what would happen if he just went over to Enjolras right now, wrapped one arm around his waist and nestled the other in his beautiful hair and kissed him. Really, how painful would the death be that it wouldn’t make it worth it. Of course, he would never do that because consent. But in the world where Taire knew he wanted that, wanted _him_ , there was no force on Earth that could stop Taire. Another thought surfaced that Taire almost audibly laughed at. There was a time, when they first had met, that Enjolras declared he was interested in him. Taire almost didn’t forgive him, for playing such a cruel joke on him. Obviously, he knew of Taire’s infatuation and wanted to put him in his place. But still, there was that little bit of him that still wished that was possible.

         “Grantaire?” Enjolras’ voice came, ringing in distantly. This caused Taire to refocus, looking at the blonde who had somehow already downed half his coffee. “Would you like any coffee?”

         “Coffee brewed by god’s? How could I refuse.” Taire retorted because he just couldn’t stop himself from burning bridges. When Enjolras only raised an eye brow in response, Taire sighed and amended, “Yeah, that would be great. Thank you.”

         Enjolras nodded, grateful to have a task to focus on. _Why is he still here? I only have half an hour until I have to leave. Will we go together? What does that mean? Nothing, it means nothing. He’s not interested. Just feels bad. Feels bad because you’re pathetic. He pities you. It’s your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault-_

“So...What inspired you to adapt _Vira_ , out of all of Wilde’s play it’s hardly the most popular.” Taire’s voice cut through Enjolras’ spiral of self annihilation.

         “It was his first play. And it’s more popular than the _Duchess of Padua_ , arguably his worst received play.” Enjorlas informed Taire, as if on instinct. He pressed go on the coffee machine, taking a long sip from his own coffee before continuing. “Because it was hopeful. And powerful. There’s no one side to any character, no easy way out. Not to mention the language is beautiful and it’s very timely.” Enjolras explained, and he couldn’t help but smile as he was explaining it. His blue eyes showing some warmth and his voice conveying his excitement.

         “Why add dance? Or, movement at all?” Taire pressed, noticing how Enjolras had perked up and determined to keep it going.

         “Because political plays tend to have a very niche audience. Language, background information, and investment-wise at least. Movement can be understood by all. So I’m trying to show that this is a specific situation that can applied to all.” He excitedly explained, using his hands more. “And, I admit, I’m a surrealist nerd. Theatre that creates it’s world based reality but skews it just that little amount? Brilliant. I absolutely love it.” Enjolras spoke in a voice embedded with a passion that was just as bright as the voice he used at rally’s but this one seemed more personal.

         “Don’t talk dance to me, Enjy. You’ll never be able to get rid of me.” Grantaire laughed, finally getting up and walking over to sit at Enj’s breakfast bar.

         “Well, I hope to hold on to you for a while.” Came Enjolras’ immediate reply. “You are my choreographer, after all.” He added quickly, turning to get open the fridge to get milk out of it.

         A moment of silence followed, Enjolras refraining himself for being so obvious and Grantaire trying to inscribe that moment in his permanent memory. Eventually, Enjolras surfaced from his fridge, milk in hand and put it on the counter. He turned to his own coffee, and downed the rest in about a minute flat.

         “No wonder you’re so skinny; you’re body mass is all caffine.” Taire retorted.

         “More or less.” Admitted Enj, in a way that seemed to earnest to be funny. The blonde looked down at his the mug on the counter for a moment before looking up. “Listen, I assume we’re going to rehearsal together, which is fine, but you should know that I live half an hour away.”

         Taire shrugged, “So we leave half an hour early.”

         “And I want to be early...at least twenty minutes.” He added.

         “Thermos coffee it is then.”

         Half an hour later, two thermos coffees in hand, the pair entered the college’s theater. Before they left, Enjolras had excused himself to change into new clothes, as he didn’t want his first impression on the cast and crew to be in a giant sweater. So he walked into the rehearsal space wearing black skinny jeans, sleek black boots, a tight white V-neck t-shirt and form fitting red leather jacket. Or, as Grantaire liked to call it, purgatory.

         Surprisingly, although they were twenty three minutes early, Ferre was already there. His sheet music scribbles already sprawled over at least three seats. Ferre himself was perched on a stage step, scribbling away in a notebook when he heard the two enter. There a was a moment where he looked surprised, shocked even, to see the two together. But that soon passed as he waved at them.

         “Enjolras! I never thought I’d see you at rehearsal. What happened to your playwright den?”

         Enjolras smiled, rolling his eyes without malice, “I was told that seeing the process might actually make me feel better about it.”

         “I think it will too.” Agreed Ferre, nodding at Taire who nodded back, somewhat uncomfortably. It felt to personal, Taire was still wary that Ferre might poison Taire for what he did to Enjolras. So when Ferre started walking towards him, Taire started walking backstage. “I’m gonna go...go make sure the wings are cleared...yeah.” He excused himself, walking away quickly.

         Ferre watched him amused, but Enjolras didn’t even notice, having started looking at Ferre’s sheet music. “Just preliminary ideas.” Ferre added softly, letting Enjolras investigate them.

         “I’m excited to hear them.” Enjolras assured quietly, using his high school band skills to try and reproduce the music in his head. Ferre took a step closer to Enjolras, obviously studying his face. Enjolras’ didn’t even bother looking up. “I’m okay, Ferre.”

         “Did you sleep?”

         “Eleven hours.”

         “Really?”

         “Honestly. I only woke up half an hour ago.” Assured Enjolras.

         “Caffine?”

         “Two cups. You?”

         “Three.”

         “I’ll take that bet.” They both laughed, knowing the one thing Ferre couldn’t chide him on was his caffeine dependency.

         “Did you eat?”

         “There’s a breakfast sandwich in my fridge.”

         “Why didn’t-“

         “I’ll eat it for dinner after rehearsal.”

         Ferre reguarded him for a moment longer before conceding, “Okay, you passed...And you feel better?”

         Enjolras bit his lip, shrugging his shoulders a little. “Different. A little.”

         “Good or bad?”

         Enjolras just shrugged again, clearly getting fed up with the attention. He tolerated Ferre’s mothering, as Courf would call it, because Ferre was basically his brother. And Ferre could be _terrifying_ , so Enjolras quickly learned to never cross Ferre in something he was truly set in. Sensing Enjolras’ tonal shift, Ferre took a step back and nodded in the direction Taire left in and smiled, “I never thought I’d see him early to anything. He almost beat _you_ here.”

         Enjolras didn’t even look up from the sheet music in his hand as he non-chalantly said, “We came here together.”

         “Oh.”

         “Yeah, he brought me coffee so we walked over to together.”

         “He what-“

         Enjolras looked up for the first time, not understanding why Ferre sounded so confused. “Apology coffee. For what happened last night.”

         “Oh, well that was nice of him.”

         “Yeah, it was. I felt bad I ended up falling asleep.” Enjorlas shrugged, turning to go get a notebook out of his backpack. Because he did this, Enjolras missed the absolutely shell shocked, mouth agape Ferre held before it slowly turned into a very, very smug smile.

“Interesting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves! Thank you to everyone that's read so far! This is more of a transitional chapter, with the first rehearsal coming in the next one, so thank you for bearing with me! Please feel free to leave any comments, I'd love to know what y'all think!


	5. The First Rehearsal Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first rehearsal doesn't go exactly as planned. Now Enjolras has a bloody face and everyone has to scramble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you're all enjoying this so far! Please leave comments about what you think of it!
> 
> Also, my inspiration for this is lady_ragnall's 'You Dance Dreams' (https://archiveofourown.org/works/2530406) a story I absolutely adore.

Fifteen minutes later, and everyone was in place. All the actors were on stage, warming up and chatting with each other. Ferre, Taire, and the director (who’s name Enjolras had just previously learned was Montparnasse) were circled around in the center isle, presumably making a plan for the first rehearsal. Enjolras wouldn’t know, he was seated in one of the last rows, coffee in hand as he observed the skeleton of his play, he had to keep reminding himself that this was his, forming. He recognized most of the actors, many of which were his close friends. Montparnasse looked like the typical director, as far as Enjolras could tell. He wore long a long, purple tail coat made of cotton, with a longer knitted sweater underneath. His pants, from what Enj could tell from his distant perch, were made of velvet and leather. His black boots were boots that looked like Doc Martins but made by an eco friendly brand. He looked pretty on par for a directing major; a fashion taste that scream ‘I’m always too tired because I’m important and all my clothes are secretly made from the curtains in the theatre”. Enjolras could say that, he was a directing major himself. _‘This guy must be a junior, I don’t recognize him_.” Thought Enjolras.

         Soon, rehearsal began by Montparnasse clapping his hands and asking for attention from the cast. The cast quickly sat on the edge of the stage and the three crew members turned to meet them. Grantaire, for some reason, looked back at Enjolras and gave him a small, reassuring, smile before turning to the actors. Montparnasse took a step forward and spread his arms wide in a welcome gesture.

         “Welcome, creators, to our first rehearsal. Now, I have been an Oscar Widle fan for a while so I was very thrilled when the school asked me to direct one of Wilde’s works.” Montparnasse began, taking in a voice that sounded more like he was giving a curtain speech rather than taking to humans. Ferre and Taire exchanged slightly confused glances, wondering why Montparnasse hadn’t mentioned it was an adaptation.

         “This play has so much potential, and with my vision, it’s sure to be spectacular. Now, this is only possible if we all focus, work very hard, and listen to people who know what they’re doing. Lateness will not be tolerated, and if you aren’t off book by the date you all have understudy’s ready to replace you. Understood?” Montparnasse announced, looking at the cast waiting. They all nodded, ready to appease the director. What shocked Enjolras was when he turned to Taire and Ferre and gave them a raised eyebrow look. The two stared back, before nodding slightly.

This made Enjolras’ grip on his thermos tighten and he physically but his lip to keep from making a sassy remark. _‘This isn’t your place. You gave up power. You said no. Don’t disrespect the director.’_ Enjolras forced himself to think.

“Good. Now, I believe introductions are in order. I’ll go first. Hello, my name is Montparnasse, if you’re on my good side you can call me Mont. If you are on my bad side, you may call me sir. I’m a junior directing major, and I just transferred from Boston University. Yes, I spent three years abroad. Couldn’t keep away from France, apparently.  Good, now, your turn. Name, year, and major. Go.” Mont prompted, sitting on the top rim of one of the seats.

Enjolras watched as the cast all announced themselves, then Ferre and finally Taire. After Taire had gone, Mont stood up and clapped his hand, “Great, now that we have everyone, lets’-“

         “What about Enjolras?” Taire interjected, causing Enjolras to look up sharply from his almost trance like state.

         “Who’s Enjolras?” Montparnasse asked, sounding annoyed Grantaire had interjected.

         “The _playwright_. He’s sitting back there.” Ferre chimed in, using his tone that sounded very helpful but was lined with steel.

         Enjolras straightened up, and when Montparnasse turned around, he gave him a small wave. He regarded Montparnasse with a small smile and a wave that was not returned.

         “It is customary to ask the director warning before showing up in his rehearsal space.” Montparnasse started, “But, since you are the adaptor I suppose it’s okay. Just this one time. Just stay quiet, will you? I’ll remind you that you gave up all influence on this piece.” And just like that he turned around, with a twirl of his stupid coat, and spoke to the crowd, “Now, will you all grab your scripts and a pencil and take a seat in the house.”

As everyone got moving, Ferre walked up the isle to Enjolras. “Junior who thinks he can run the world, huh?”

Enjolras shrugged, his teeth clenched. “As long as he makes good art Mont, and isn’t rude to the cast or crew.”

“You know you’re included in-“

“Combeferre!” Mont called, “Please come join the read through.”

         Ferre gave Enjolras one last eye roll before jogging down the isle to take his seat. Mont picked up a notebook and turned to address the crowd, “Great. Now, just a few things before we start the first read through. First, if you find standing and moving helps you, you’re totally free to do so. Second, there’s some Russian, if you don’t know it yet, don’t worry. Third, and this is just so everyone knows, we’re setting our production in the post apocalyptic future.”

         “ _What_?” Enjolras expelled, before he could stop himself. All heads turned to him, except Mont’s. “You’re setting my play in the post apocalyptic future? Why the hell would there be Czars or Soviet Russia in the future? You’re going to lose all the historical backing and understanding-“

         “I understand your concerns, and feel free to discuss them _after rehearsal_ , I will listen. But, I would like to remind you that _you gave up all rights to this_. Okay? This is my project, my rehearsal. I will permit you to stay as long as you remain quiet.” Mont snapped, plowing on before Enjolras could intreject, “Now, please begin.” And with a flourish he sat down, and the read through began.

         Enjolras remained, _fuming_ in the back row, lip nearly bleeding with trying to keep silent. Mont was right in a sense, he had given up rights to influence this production. And it is his vision, it’s just his vision is _wrong_. It’s wrong and it’s horrible and he’s missing the point.

         He kept rambling in his mind, before slowly hearing the voices of the read through. He had to admit, at least the casting was great. The actors fit so naturally in their parts. After the hour and a half, as they arrived to the end of the play, Enjolras felt almost calm, hopeful again about the project.

         That is until... “Excuse me, sir, why are the last stage directions crossed out?” Eponnine asked, which caused Enjolras to jolt up in his chair. ‘ _He wouldn’t..”_

         “Oh, that. I’m changing it.” Mont dismissed. “You see, in the original Wilde made it purposefully unclear whether Vira stabs herself then throws the knife out to protect Alexis or whether Vira stabs Alexis in order to stop the Czars. It’s up in the air. And I’m choosing to have it so Vira stabs herself, to save the Czar.”

         “Oscar Wilde’s ending may be unclear, but my ending was perfectly, crystal clear.” Enjolras announced, standing up and walking into the isle. This caused everyone to turn to look at him, even Mont. “I very clearly remember writing that Vira stabs the Czar to save her country. Her people. That’s who she is. And I wrote it.”

         “Well, I’m changing it. No one wants to see that. It’s so boring, no plot twist at the end? Audiences will enjoy it more if she dies for love.” Mont replied, trying to dismiss Enjolras.

         “ _Enjoy_ it? I don’t want them to enjoy it. It’s supposed to make them think, make them feel. Vira may love Alexis, the Czar, but not nearly as much as he loves her country. She betrayed her father, is the most wanted criminal in Russia, and you think she would throw that all away for a guy? Have you even read my play?” Enjolras asked, venom dripping in his voice.

         “It’s my play, now. And I can do what I want with it.” Mont retorted, “Have a problem? You shouldn’t have given up rights to it.”

         “I may have given up influence on the production, but it’s still my writing. My play. The _first_ duty a director has is to the playwright. That’s me. And it’s still copy writed, which means inorder to change anything, even a single word, let alone the ending, you have to get my permission. Which you most certainly don’t. I may not be able to stop you from putting it in the fucking apocalypse, which is a _hideous_ idea, you’re ruining the entire moral of this production, but I cannot and will not allow you to turn this into a twisted version of Romeo and Juliet.” Enjolras seethed, his voice carrying throw the large dome of the theatre and piercing directly at Mont.

         Mont, for his part, looked absolutely enraged, “I will not be disrespected in my theatre-“

         “Neither will I. Now, you cannot change the ending and that’s that. Oh, and I think I’ll pop into the rest of rehearsals, you know, to make sure you don’t ruin  anything else.” Enjolras fumed.

         “You may not like me, but you’re going to have to deal with me. Without me there’s no one to create your stupid play. So shut up, pretty boy.” Mont sneered, starting to turn around.

         “Enjolras will direct it.” Taire’s voice sounded, and every head turned to him in surprise. “He’s a senior directing major. He’s the best in his major in his year, and judging on your ability, in your year too. You’re replaceable, _sir_. Don’t let yourself think otherwise. And don’t you _dare_ insult Enjolras, not in his rehearsal space, not in front of his friends. _Never_. Do you understand? You don’t understand what this play is and what this play could be. And with you, it’ll never get there”

         Enjolras stared at Taire, grinning like an absolute idiot. For a moment, their gazes met and Enjolras swore he caught fire. The next moment, he turned his fiery gaze onto Mont. “You are a disgrace to your title. Get out.” Enjolras commanded, causing everyone to gape.

         Mont started walking towards Enjolras, a crazed look in his eyes. “You think you can just dispect me like that? Me?!” Mont shouted, winding back before releasing and swinging forward, knocking Enjolras’ face sideways. He almost fell, but he straightened up and looked Mont dead in the eye with a deadly calm demenour. “You are nothing.” Enjorlas spat quietly, watching as Mont wound up again, only to have his arm caught by Taire. Taire then twisted his arm behind his back, then kicked his knees in from behind so Mont was kneeling in front of Enjolras.

         Grantaire leaned in very close and whispered, with in steely voice, “If I ever see you again, I will do so much worse to you.” Before Taire yanked him up, pushed him up the isle, and physically shoved him out the door.

         The door shut with an echoing finality, and it rippled through the theatre. Slowly, everyone turned to each other, unsure of what to do. Finally, Ferre, with a shockingly calm composure, announced “Everyone take fifteen.” And, just like that, everyone dispersed, getting the cue to give them space.

         Taire, Ferre, and Courf all hurried to Enjolras but Taire got there first. The cut on Enjolras’ right cheek was nasty, looking pretty deep, and deep, spotted bruising was already starting to form.

         “He wears rings. A lot of them.” Enjorlas informed Taire softly. Enjolras didn’t know what he looked like but judged off of the enraged look on Taire’s face, he looked pretty beat up.

         “Shit, Enj you’ll be lucky if you don’t need stitches.” Taire shook his head, speaking softly. And he, without any semblance of thought, places his hand on Enjolras’ face, gently tracing the hurt area with his fingers.

         Suddenly, breathing felt too much of an intrusion for Enjolras. Taire was so close, it should be too close, and all Enjolras could manage was to meet Taire’s concerned gaze with his own. What was he thinking? Enjolras wondered, focusing on the warmth of Taire’s hand.

         Taire, for his part, seemed shocked they were in this position. Having almost frozen mid movement.

         “How does the patient look, doc?” Courf asked, smirked. As though Enjolras’ skin was suddenly fire, Taire quickly retracted his hand. “It’s...it’s a lot.” Taire informed unhelpfully.

         “I’ll get advil, and then after rehearsal I’m taking you to the doctors and you won’t fight me.” Ferre informed him, his mouth pulled into a tight line, before walking away to his backpack.

         “Taire, will you go help Enjolras wash out his wound?” Courf asked sounded completely innocent. _‘As innocent as the devil_ ’ Taire thought distantly.

         “I’m fine, we have to figure out-“ Enjolras started to protest.

         “You’re not fine. Shut up.” Taire sighed, sounded exasperated. Before he grabbed Enjolras’ hand, which caused Enjolras’ gaze to shoot up to Taire’s, and started to pull Enjolras to the bathroom. It was only until he caught Eponnine’s smug eye that Taire realized what he was actually doing. He promptly released Enjolras’ hand and turned down the hallway.

 


	6. The First Rehearsal Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything works out for the best? Maybe?

The floresant lights made Enjolras’ cut look worse than the dim theatre lighting had, Grantaire couldn’t help but notice.

         “Two times in one day.” Enjolras remarked quietly, feeling the sharp sting of the injury surfacing.

         “What’s that?” Taire asked, preoccupied with getting a paper towel and holding it underneath hot water.

         “That you’ve taken care of me. If I didn’t know better I would say you actually liked me.” Enjolras teased.

         “Like-? Of course, I bloody like you Apollo. I told you this morning, I don’t actually hate you. Contrary to appearances.” Taire rolled his eyes, although he couldn’t help but smile a little. He looked up from the now prepared paper towel to Enjolras, and couldn’t help but suck breath in.

         “It does look pretty bad, doesn’t it?” Enjolras remarked, regarding himself in the mirror.

         “Not as bad as his ego after your destroyed him.” Taire pointed out. “You were amazing, Enj. Seriously, he didn’t stand a chance against you.” What Taire wanted to say was ‘ _You looked really fucking sexy that was unfair’_ but decided against it. After all, the man just sustained a head injury, Taire didn’t want to traumatize him more.

         “I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I mean post-apocolyptic? What the fuck is he thinking? And the ending. How did that man get into our school? My major?” Enjolras scoffed.

         “He’s an idiot. For many reasons. Now, sit.” Taire prompted, tapping on the sink counter. Enjorlas hopped up on it, leaning against the wall. Taire stepped closer, but still far enough for it to not be an intimate conversation.

         “This is probably going to hurt.” Taire apologized, softly.

         “Not worse than this did.” Enjolras shrugged.

         “Why did you let him punch you?” Taire asked, “You dodged the second one, which was bad ass by the way holy shit, but he did get you.”

         “I didn’t think he’d actually do it. I was too surprised to react properly. However, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knocking me down. Thank you though...for stopping him.”

         “Of course.” Taire whispered, “Honestly, I’m surprised I didn’t do more than pin him.” He confessed and ‘ _fuck did I just say that out loud?_ ”

         “Why?” Enjolras asked, sounded confused.

         “Because he hurt you. He had the fucking nerve to-“ Taire stopped himself, before he got too worked up. The truth is, the moment Mont’s fist had connected with Enjolras’ face, sometime feral and murderous bloomed in Taire. His heart had stopped, waiting to see if Enjolras would fall, which would be the worst possible sight, Taire was convinced. Once he saw Enjolras dodge, Taire had moved so fast his body had to fight to keep up. It was pure protective instinct that pushed him forward. Honestly, it’s a miracle Taire didn’t break Mont’s arm if not much, much worse.

         “Oh...well, thank you.” Enjolras replied in a voice Taire couldn’t read.

         Taire nodded, forcing his sarcasm back into his voice. “Well don’t thank me quite yet, this is going to hurt. You hate me for it.”

         “Never.”

         _‘Fuck, that’s not fair_ ’ Thought Taire. “We’ll see about that.” Is all he said in response. That’s when he realized the reality of the situation. That Enjolras, greek god of all gods, was leaning against the wall in a skin tight t-shirt, leather jacket, and the tightest black jeans known to man kind. Not only that, but in order to clean his face, Taire had to stand between said tightly wrapped and fucking hot legs and _clean his face. ‘What the FUCK’_. There’s no way this was fair. Or legal.

         Taire took a breathe, and stepped forward into Enjolras’ space. It was so, so quiet all of a sudden. So quiet that Taire was certain Enjolras could hear his heart pounding. Why did this feel so big? It was such a small action, but it felt pivotal, stepping into the personal sphere of the man he had revered for so long but never dared touch. He looked up and was met with kind, blue eyes. All the fire Enjolras held mere minutes before was gone, replaced with something much softer.

         Enjolras was looking at a man who he had previously believed hated him. But looking at him now, Taire held such care in his eyes. Where had that been? Why did this shift feel so weighted? ‘ _He didn’t want you. You hate him_ ’ Enjolras tried to remind himself, but he just couldn’t listen.

         Slowly, Taire reached up with his hand that held the paper towel, leaning forward slightly to reach the end of the cut, and his torso ended up brushing Enjolras’ thighs. An image flashed through Taire’s mind of another scenario that would include Grantaire pushing against Enjolras’ spread legs but he quickly shook that out of his head, for his own sanity’s sake.

         Enjolras winced when the paper towel make contact, causing Taire’s breath to quicken. “Sorry” He rushed out, quietly, looking extremely focused on cleaning the cut.

         He was so close. Grantaire was literal centimeters from his face. He could so easily just tip his head and kiss him. It was right there. Kiss him, wrap his legs around his waist, and never let him go. _‘Stop!”_ Enjolras put an end to his own thoughts. “Don’t worry about it.”

         After what seemed like an eternity but all together not enough, Taire slowly dropped his hand. There was no air in the room, none at all.

         “How it’s looking, doc?” Enjolras joked quietly.

         “Beautiful” Came Taire’s instant reply, far to soft and earnest to be anything but sincere.

         “Thanks to you.” Enjolras replied, trying not to even entertain the thought that Taire was walking about him.

         Taire just shook his head and stepped back, throwing out the bloodied paper towel in the trash.

         “Good as new, Mr. Director.”

         “Did you mean that?” Enjolras asked, thinking back to when Grantaire announced to Mont that Enjolras was more than capable.

         “Of course. Enjolras’ I’ve always believed in you.”

         “No, no you don’t believe in anything.”

         “I let you think that.”

         “Why?”

         Grantaire didn’t answer, choosing to look down at his hands.

         “Grantaire, why?”

         “It’s easier. But fuck, Enj, you’re amazing. Truly. And yeah, I argue against basically every word that comes out of your mouth but you...you make me want to believe you. And that doesn’t change that I believe in _you_. Goddamnit, Enjolras, I would follow you anywhere. Because that’s...that’s where I want to be.” Taire exclaimed, his voice growing soft at the end.

         Enjolras considered his words carefully, “I don’t understand you.” He declared at least, meaning every single word.

         “Perhaps it’s for the best. Anyway, don’t spend too much time thinking on it. I believe you have a rehearsal waiting and a cast that just got a new director. That is, if you’re taking it.”

         Enjolras shot Grantaire a crooked, impassioned smile and jumped off the counter. “I didn’t get punched in the face to walk away now.” He turned and walked out, holding the door open for Grantaire who followed.

         When they walked out, the cast was talking nervously amongst themselves on the stage, with Ferre writing something in his notebook in the audience. Enjolras climbed up on stage and addressed the actors, “It has come to my attention that our director, Sir. Montparnasse, may not be fit to continue his role as director,” which earned him a few laughs. “That being said, I believe I could make a fitting substitute in his absence. I absolutely adore this story, this play. It has been my passion project for so long and I would truly be honored to create it on stage.”

         He was met by a wondrous applause, even cheers (from Courf), that echoed wonderfully in the theatre. “Thank you, thank you so much. Now, thank you for a memorable rehearsal. Please go home, get some sleep, and I’ll see you all here tomorrow. Thank you all.”


	7. It's Okay to Let Me In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of eating disorders

After everyone was dismissed all the actors who weren’t Enjolras’ close friends picked up their things and left, obviously discussing everything that just happened. One, James, even went up to Enjolras and shook his hand to thank him. And Taire didn’t, he _didn’t_ , feel his stomach contort with unfounded jealousy when James so-obviously peered in close to Enjolras’ face to ‘inspect’ the cut and Taire definitely walk over to them with a lame excuse when Enjolras smiled and assured James he was okay.

         Taire walked over to them, right as James was turning away and announced, “Okay, Monsieur Director, time to get you to a doctor.” He announced, which caused Ferre’s head to look up from his backpack. “I made an appointment for him, we’re driving over in like five minutes.” He sounded confused as to why Taire was reminding Enjolras of plans Taire himself wasn’t part of. Enjolras, for his part, looked at Taire kind of amused but in a confused, layered way.

         Taire felt his cheeks darken as he stepped back, as James stepped away, wishing them all a good night before walking away. “Yeah, yeah of course. Just reminding him. Is all.” He stuttered, turning around to pretend to pack up his bag. Behind his back, Ferre and Courf exchanged bemused looks that both Enjolras and Taire didn’t see.

         Taire was about to head out of the theatre, scolding himself for pretending like he and Enjolras were even friends, when he felt someone catch his arm. He turned to see Enjolras, looking uncharacteristically shy, holding gently onto his arm. “Thank you for today.” He said, somewhat quietly thought he was trying to hard to sound normal. “I uhh, well I was wondering, thinking really that since I’m now directing this we should, since you are the visual director and everything, meet soon? I mean to make sure we’re on the same page.” He explained, sounding the most nervous Enjolras could sound nervous. He paused, searching Taire’s face for any kind of reaction before continuing, “I’m meeting with Ferre too, of course, I just think it’s important-“

         And finally Taire caught up, or decided to have mercy on him, and interrupted Enjolras. “Of course. Communication and all that. How about I bring you dinner, because we both know you’re not going to cook yourself anything, when you get back from the doctors, and we can talk then, yeah?” And really, when did Taire develop that much of a death wish? Taire was talking like they were old friends when he was still pretty sure Enjolras hated him.

         “Yeah, uh thank you. You don’t need to bring me dinner, I still have the breakfast sandwich you gave me-“

         “Enjolras, no one wants to eat a day old, cold egg sandwich.” Taire laughed,

         “Either way you don’t have to. But yeah, that sounds good. See you and then.” Enjolras agreed, before looking down and realizing he had been holding Taire’s arm this whole time. Again, like when he realized his feet had been on Taire, he retracted his arm quickly, as though Taire would infect him. “Thank you. Again. For everything.” He added.

         “Of course, Apollo. Just do me a favor and don’t get into any more fist fights during this production?” He responded, attempting to lighten the mood, as Enjolras obviously looked so uncomfortable.

         “No promises.” Enjolrass laughed, sounding like himself again for once.

         “You better. Unless I’m making all the dancers do the monster mash.”

         “You wouldn’t.”

         “Don’t try me, Apollo.” Taire grinned, walking out with a shit-eating-grin on his face.

         Two hours later, Enjolras sat in the passenger seat of Ferre’s car, tired and annoyed at the doctor. Luckily, he didn’t have a concussion but the doctor had hit on something much deeper. Something he really didn’t have the time to deal with. Next to him, Ferre sat stoically silent, obviously thinking of what to say.

         “You said you would tell me if it started again.” Ferre sighed, trying his hardest not to sound tired.

         “It never stopped. You know this. I just learned to manage it.”

         “It’s not something you manage-

         “I do-“ interjected Enjolras, looking down at his hands, feeling the dark, turbulent twist of guilt in his stomach.

         “You don’t. And I’m not blaming you, it’s not your fault Enjolras, but you know there’s no in-between. Not with this.” Ferre explained in a soft voice.

         “I know.” Enjolras whispered, sounding very tired all of a sudden.

         “What’s your dinner plan?” Ferre insisted, turning to look at Enjolras.

         “Taire will bring me food. You don’t have to baby sit me Ferre.”

         “It’s just, now you’re directing a show and the more stressed you get-“

         “I know.” Enjolras cut off, not in the mood to hear any of this for the millionth time tonight. “I’ll be careful.”

         Ferre sighed, taking off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. “You know it’s because-“

         “Because you care. I know.” Enjorlas assured, gently. “And I really do appreciate it.”

         Ferre gave Enj’s hand a squeeze, each of them taking a breathe before Enjolras got out of his car and walked up the steps to his apartment. All he needed was to be alone, be alone and process everything. But one of the main topics was sitting on his step. “Grantaire?” Enjolras asked, upon seeing the dancer sitting, freezing apparently, on his steps. “How long have you been here?”

         Taire looked up from his perch on the steps, forcing himself to smile despite his shivered. “About half an hour.” He held up a plastic bag, “I brought dinner…Sorry, I didn’t warn you I just, well I was in the neighborhood and-“

         “It’s okay. Here, come in you must be freezing.” Enjolras assured, digging his keys out of his bag. He quickly waved to Ferre, assuring his friend he was okay, before walking into the apartment and Ferre drove off.

         Taire basically sighed with relief when he was met with heat and Enjolras was grateful that he had forgotten to turn the heat down before he had left. Enjolras walked in, setting his bag down at his desk, obviously unsure of what to say.

         “What did the doctor say?” Taire asked gently, loitering awkwardly in the door way. Upon his question, he saw Enjolras stiffen, the notebook in his hand freezing on it’s journey to the desk. “I don’t have a concussion.” Enjolras replied, his words sounding careful.

         “Okay, that’s good. What did-“ Taire began, but was cut off as Enjolras turned to him looking like glass, far to pale and far too exhausted.

         “Please, can we talk about the play, for now. I’m just, if I have to hear about myself anymore right now I’m going to punch something.” He explained, exasperated.   
         Taire quickly nodded in compliance, finally coming into the space, setting the food on the counter and looking in his cupboard for plates.

         “Do you like curry? It’s a cold day so I thought-“ Taire explained, sounding nerous.

         “It’s fine.” Agreed Enjolras, “I stopped with Ferre to get something at the Musain so I’m not that hungry but maybe I’ll have some after we discuss the play.”

         Taire looked at him with a look that was far too invasive for Enjolras’ liking. The silence stretched far too long to be comfortable before Taire finally turned around and put some rice and curry into two bowls, sitting on the couch and motioning for Enjolras to join him, which he did. They didn’t bring up the fact that Taire had completely ignored what Enjolras had said. Enjolras wasn’t sure if he was doing it on purpose so he played along, sitting down with his notebook.

         “Here’s come comments, ideas, just rough sketches really, about my concepts of the show I had developed while I was writing it.” Enjolras explained, handing the notebook to Taire. Taire took it and grinned as he flipped through the pages. “You sneaky bastard. You wanted to direct it all along.” He accused, joy evident in his smug smile.

         “No, I just couldn’t help it-‘  
        

         “Enj, it’s okay, I think it’s wonderful. And really, I was hopping you would direct it anyway.”

         “Really?” Enjolras asked, sounding surprised. “Why?”

         “Because you’re a genius. Seriously. You’re brilliant. I’ve already told you this today, this shouldn’t be new to you.” Taire explained, needing Enjolras to understand this.

         “I’m excited to work with you too.” Enjolras responded quietly, a smile playing at his lips. And for a moment, Taire had a flash back of standing so, so close to Enjolras, his thighs against his down stomach. So close Taire could tilt his head and finally taste those genius lips for his own.

         But he didn’t. Taire simply picked up his bowl of curry, which the contents of disappeared over the next two hours. They talked, equally passionately, about the play. Both had ideas they were very excited about and, to both of their surprises, this was the one thing they didn’t argue about. While both were vehement about their ideas, they found a lot of them matches up. And even when they didn’t both were inclined to listen and take on the other’s idea. It was actually really fun, electric even, how excited both were.

         That’s why, in a lull of the conversation, Taire finally did it. “What happened at the doctor’s?

         Enjolras’ head snapped up, “How did-…”

         “I know you. Usually when you’re passionate about something nothing else exists, but tonight, well- and don’t apologize, I just, I can feel you’re distracted. And it’s okay to be but I just, there’s something wrong. I know there is.” Sighed Taire, hoping he wasn’t overstepping anything.

         Enjorlas looked down for a while, a long while, his hands wringing each other to tightly it had to boarded on painful. After a deep breath, still staring intently at his lap, Enjolras spoke, whispered really. “They weighed me at the doctors. And I didn’t know they would, and I- I didn’t want Ferre to know. Because I promised him it wouldn’t be a problem again.”

         And oh, oh no. Taire felt his heart contort in his chest as a deep laid fear he had harbored was finally confirmed. “You’re anorexic?” Taire whispered.

         Enjolras winced at the word, “No. No because it’s not about how I look. I know I’m thin. It’s not about image, it’s about control. It just helps...I feel, I feel guilty stopping to eat when there’s things I can do. And sometimes I just get so overwhelmed that I feel so helpless and this, it’s the one thing I feel like I can control.” He whispered, shocked he was saying these things aloud. Not even Ferre had heard all of this. “And I, I’m not as bad as I was, but with the play and everything I’m slipping. And I’m sorry but it..it helps me. I know it shouldn’t but..” He stopped, biting his lip and looking pale. Afraid even, as thought Taire would walk out.

         “Enjolras...” Taire started quietly, talking before his brain and heart could really process this depth of the situation, “You know this won’t help you, right? You do so much, you’re incredible, but you don’t need to sacrifice yourself to accomplish all that. I know I always joke about you being Apollo but you’re now a god, you’re human. You’re beautiful human, a beautiful human let’s be honest, that has so much good, just good, that I come back, always, to you. To hear you talk. To let you sway me into believing in you. You’re incredible, but you don’t have to hurt yourself to achieve that. You know that, right? God, Enjolras, I- I don’t knw how to tell you that you’re enough. You’re enough. Even if you didn’t make change and didn’t create amazing shows, you would be enough. Okay?” Taire rambled, his passion taking over before finally coming to an end. When he looked up and stared at Enjolras, who was staring at Taire with wide eyes and a reluctant smile on his face. “Really?” Enj asked, dumbly.

         “Fucking of course Enjolras. Listen, I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, or anything, but I can be, your know, your person, to talk about all this with. If you want. Because you don’t have to slip again. You’re the strongest person I’ve met. If anyone can fight this, it’s you.” Taire urged, meeting Enjolras’ eyes. “Not that I’m saying it’s your fault-“

         “I know.” Enjolras interjected quietly, a small smile evident in his voice. “I uhh, thank you. I’m, I’ll take you up on that offer.”

         “Stand up.” Taire requsted, abruptly. Enjolras, though he gave Taire a strange look, did as requested, standing up and looking at Taire expectantly. Taire stood up as well, took a step into Enjolras’ space and pulled him into a close hug.

         Taire gently coaxed Enjolras to relax, securing his own arms around Enjolras’ tiny frame. He didn’t squeeze him tightly or anything, but he kept a secure hold on Enjolras. It took Enjolras a moment to react, freezing at the contact at first before his body, before his mind caught up, melted into Taire’s hold. He felt his face find comfort in the space between Taire’s neck and shoulder. His tired muscles sink into Taire’s hold, and he felt his heart warm with Taire’s body heart. They stayed like that for a long time, breathing in the other, Taire’s hand holding him close, telling him it’s okay.


	8. You Make No Sense...So Keep Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for those that realize the order got mixed up. We're good now
> 
> \-----
> 
> They rekindle. Kind of. 
> 
> \----
> 
> I know it's short. But trust me; more is on the way.

“Thanks Taire.” Enjolras murmured into Taire’s shoulder after a moment had passed, when he felt his breath settle back into his body. “Can I call you Taire?” He added, his soft voice sounded wary.

         Enjolras felt the other man’s chest rumble with a laugh and it was so warm and inviting that he couldn’t help but hold onto Taire just a bit tighter. Just then, Taire shifted in his grip, which caused Enjolras to start to panic that maybe he had crossed the line, but he calmed down he realized all Taire did was raise his head.

         Enjolras, admittedly reluctantly, raised his own head to copy the dancer and ‘ _oh, he’s so close’._ Taire was so close to his own face that when he breathed, Enjolras could feel it dance across his face. So close that he could pick out every detail in the deep green eyes currently staring deep into his own. So, so close that Enjolras could easily use his grip around Taire’s broad shoulders to coax him forward, ghosting one hand gently across his cheek before tracing his cheek bone back until it would be met with soft, inviting curls. Having gotten this hold, Enjolras could so easily tug the artist forward, gently, and finally, _finally_ kiss him. It would soft at first. Chaste, barely there. But even then Enjolras knew his heart would rush, pounding out of his chest to try and get into Taire’s. The first kiss would be a confession, the second, when Taire would respond, would be an agreement, a relief. And the third and all that came after would be all encompassing. Enjolras would make a low, gruff sound of approval because it’s been four years since this had happened and he missed it so much. And that would give Taire the opportunity to work his way into Enjolras’ mouth, tugging the blonde closer with his suddenly hot hands gripping onto Enjolras’ waiste. Enjolras would be compliant, _so_ compliant and let Taire take anything he wanted. Because he was so sick of fighting. Enjolras would pull on Taire’s hair to let him know that this is everything he needs, and that would cause Taire to moan, moan in such a deep vibrancy that it would right down through Enjolras’ and into his pants. Then, of course, he would have no choice but to step a few inches back and fall onto the couch, keeping Taire tightly pressed against him, where they would land and Taire would finally be close enough for Enjolras’ hands to explore every area-

 

         “Why wouldn’t it?” Taire’s uncharacteristically soft voice cut through Enjolras’ thought spiral. So he didn’t. He could do, but he remembered that he had and Taire hadn’t been interested. So he didn’t. So he won’t.

         “Because only your friends call you Taire.” Enjolras responded, as though it were obvious. He was also painfully aware that they were standing centimeters apart, arms around each other, having a conversation.

         “Enjolras, we are friends. Friends who fight, sure. Friends who only recently started hanging out alone, okay. But friends. I meant it before you know. I believe in you. I always come back to you. So, yeah. I would say we’re friends.” His voice was barely a whisper. He was smiled, but Enj could sense something deeper underneath.

         “Oh...okay. Friends. I’m glad you don’t...uh hate me. I’ve tried, Apollo, believe me. I can’t.” Taire laughed, somewhat bitterly.

         “Me too.” Enjolras admitted, looking down for a moment before matching Taire’s gaze once more. “But I can’t. And I don’t want to.”

         All Taire could do was stare back. He looked like he was on the brink of asking something, something that could lead to questions, that could lead to answers Enjolras didn’t have it in him to give. So with great regret, Enjolras gave Taire one last moment before stepping back into the newly empty, cold air.

         “I feel very...exposed. Sorry. I just normally don’t talk about, you know...” Enjolras stumbled.

         “You eating disorder. It’s okay to say it, there’s nothing shameful. And it doesn’t matter if it’s not about how you look, I’m pretty sure it’s still anorexia. But again, nothing to be ashamed of.” Taire comforted.

         “Yeah...thank you.” Enjolras responded, suddenly feeling really awkward. He was just about done with all the attention he was getting today. “Look, I appreciate all this and I promise I’ll talk to you in the future just, right now, can we do something normal? Please?”

         “Do you have Amazon Prime?” Taire asked, shifting moods surprisingly grateful which Enjolras was extremely grateful for.

         “Uh, yeah. Why?”

         “There’s a new series. ‘A Very British Scandal’, seemed very you. Gay and political.” Taire laughed.

         Enjolras couldn’t help but roll his eyes, laughing inspite of himself. “That pretty much sums me up, yeah. Here, sit. Do you want tea?” He started to move, picking up their mostly empty bowls of food and bringing them into the kitchen that was only separated by the breakfast bar.

         Taire plopped himself down on the couch, maneuvering Enj’s Apple TV to get to Amazon Prime. “Yeah, sure.”

         “What kind?”

         “Surprise me.” Taire exclaimed, adding a playful wink just to mess with him a little.

         “I’ll do my best.” Enj retorted, turning back to his task.

          Three hours later they had finished the show in it’s entirety, both having really enjoyed it. Enjolras was all but asleep on his end of the couch and Taire knew was close to falling asleep as well. He stood up, stretching slightly, and announced “Your couch is too comfy. I’m going to fall asleep and I think I should be at least a little conscious for the Uber driver.”

         “Okay. Well...I’ll see you tomorrow...Thank you.” He added, his voice tired and still unsure of their newly established boundaries.

         “Always, my Apollo. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Taire smiled, resisting the urge to lean down and kiss Enj on the head as he so badly wanted to.

         After Taire left, Enjolras had peeled himself up off the couch and eventually got himself ready for bed.

         As he lay in bed trying to fall asleep, his body was still warm with the memory of Taire’s hand and his mind was buzzing. That wasn’t what friends did, was it? Stand close enough to kiss for that long a time. Say such assuring things. Get dangerously protective. Not to mention Taire had acted so odd when James was, so obviously, flirting with him.

         Enjolras had accepted that Taire wasn’t interested, accepted that four years ago. Tried to hate him. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t. But he also couldn’t make sense of Taire’s behavior.

         He was sick of it, quite frankly. Sick of never knew he stood with the cynic. ‘ _I’ll ask him. About that night. It’s just a question. Four years ago, I mean he’s probably forgotten it by now_.” Enjolras reasoned, and continued through his thought spiral as sleep eventually overtook his consciousness.


	9. I'm Only Human Afterall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras confronts Taire, finally getting a four year old question off his chest.

In the middle of the night Enjolras had started awake. Usually it was a nightmare, but this was just a weighted sense of dread. A panic that settled into him like a weighted blanket. A panic that seemed personal for as it settled, it fit into every crease and crevice in his body. The sky seemed purple with darkness as he slowly opened his eyes, hearing more than feeling his quick breath race out of his body. He really wasn’t sure what had started it. He just knew that it felt like the ground was slowly emptying out. A sharp force was pulling, dragging, what felt like a spiral vortex right through his chest. He felt it drag down, down, down and down through his skin, his ribs, his muscle and hollow him out. The world was quiet. Silent. All that existed seemed to be contained to what he could perceive. This black, bruised purple bubble that surrounded him, filled with the sounds of rapid breath and pounding hearts was all that existed.

         He couldn’t tell how much time had pass until it was over. Suddenly, his body stopped feeling numb and he could make sense again. That was it. Like it never happened. Only it did. So when he slowly sat up, he didn’t readjust and try to go back to sleep. Enjolras got out of bed, walked into his living room with his desk, a large red blanket draping over him like a misfit cape. After the coffee maker starting humming and filling his 3:45 am silent flat with the promising smell of caffeine, Enjolras sat down at his desk and took out the notebook with everything he had collected on _Vira._ Despite his exhaustion he couldn’t help but feeling a warm sense of joy at the prospect of directing this.

         And three hours later, Enjolras’ plans for the first rehearsal, along with blocking for the entire show, had been finished. Of course, Enjolras had antagonized over every detail but he had finally accepted on something that was workable. He don’t know what possessed him to do so, but Enjolras ended up taking a picture of his sprawl of scripts and notebooks and sent it to Taire with the caption “First Rehearsal 2.0”.

         “I’m starting to believe you’re a vampire.” Taire greeting Enjolras at the door of the theatre that same day. His words were accompanied by a large cup of coffee, Enjolras’ order, that the blonde accepted thankfully.

         “A vampire? What makes you say that?” Enjolras prompted, walking inside the theatre with Taire when what he really wanted to ask was ‘why are you here so early? For me?’

         Taire, for his part, simply put his bag down and took a sip of his own drink. “Why were you awake at 6 in the morning? And based on the work you had done earlier. A lot earlier.” Not even that, Taire took one look at Enjolras and he could tell the man hadn’t slept. Taire took a step closer, softening his voice, “Enj? Are you okay?”

         Enjolras’ snapped up. His gaze locking with Taire’s. “There’s something I need to ask you.” He started carefully. Grantaire was still standing so close, eyes full of concern. And Enjolras was sure he looked terrible but he felt oddly calm. But an electric calm.

         “Yeah, okay. Go for it Apollo.” Taire answered, crossing his arms in an attempt as casualty but he knew it failed. He dropped his arms, but took a step back in compensation.

         Enjolras regarded Taire with a stare he felt ensnare him. “I wouldn’t ask this. I really wouldn’t, especially during a show. I usually, well I say usually like this happens a lot, but- let me start over.” Enjolras took a breath, shoving his hands in his front pockets. “I love my job. My career. Directing. I love it. And I love writing. And I’m so, so proud of this project.”

         “Yeah, you should be-“

         “Career comes first. Over everything. So I wouldn’t ask this. But I just- Last night I had a panic attack- it’s not important, I’m fine. So I didn’t sleep a lot. And yeah, that’s when I made everything I sent you. But it also gave me time to think and I just...I don’t think I can give my project all of myself, because I’m human, if I don’t know this.”

         When Enjolras had to stop for breathe, Taire interjected with “Lots of preamble for a question, Apollo.”

         Enjolras, for his part, only smiled this smug knowing smile that drove Taire slightly crazy. “Four years ago we met-“

         “That fateful day.”

         “Please let me do this.”

         “Okay, okay.”

         Enjolras took a breath and continued, “A few months after we met there was that party. Ep threw it I think. I’m not really sure. But either way, there was a party. And it was the first our friend group had went to. Remember?” He paused until Taire nodded. For his part, Taire’s body had gone numb the moment he mentioned the party. The night Enjolras had started seeing Taire as a disappointment and never stopped.

         “Well, I- we were there. I kissed you. That’s not new. And it would have been okay, been fine, but you kissed me back. And I...did you ever like me? Because I understand if I wasn’t your type or you were just trying to be nice or whatever but I...we kissed. A lot. And then thirty minutes later I see you basically giving a lap dance to someone else? And I realize that sounds really clingy. But I’ve thought about this. So many times. And I wouldn’t be asking but as I said I need this to move on...I really liked you. And then we kissed and it was...well amazing. But then you, I guess you decided I wasn’t worth it. Or not hot enough, or I don’t know. And I hated you for it. For so long. But I think really I was just hurt. Because I thought that it wasn’t just a ‘it’s a party hookup’ kiss but something more. And I was wrong. Obviously. I know that, intellectually, but I just can’t- I’m stuck, Taire. I’m not mad, I just want to move on so I need you to tell me honestly, did that kiss mean anything to you?”

         The silence is the theatre rung in Taire’s ears. As Enjolras kept rambling on Taire checked multiple times to see if he was dreaming. Hallucinating. Anything. Even in this partially disassociated state, Taire felt a harsh pang of hurt in his gut and ‘oh shit he’s still waiting’.

         Indeed, Enjolras, catching up on breathe, was staring at Taire looking so vulnerable Taire didn’t know what to do. For the fearless leader to be quiet, waiting was unfamiliar to both of them. Taire hated it.

         “I...” Taire started lamely, “I don’t hate you. I never did I...god, Enj don’t you- fuck you don’t. Enj I...that night I freaked out. I really freaked out. I had had a crush on you for months. Let’s be honest, since the moment I saw you. And when you kissed me I...fuck...” Taire whispered, scrubbing his face with his hands, “I never wanted to stop. But then it did and I- I realized that I couldn’t be with you-“

         “-Why?” Enjolras interjected, sharply.

         “Because you’re too good.-“

Enjolras began to scoff but Taire abruptly cut him off, “Enjolras, come on. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. You’re kind, you’re so passionate...You look hot as hell in that leather jacket it’s fucking unfair- You have me okay? But I didn’t- I couldn’t do that. Tie you down with me. And I knew it would never happen so I forced myself to move on. And then you started to hate me so I proved myself right. Self-fulfilling prophecy I guess.” Taire answered, looking down at his hands as he confessed the most confidential parts of him to the very man that had dominated him fully for the past four years.

         But when he looked up, Enjolras was smiling seemingly at himself. As though there was a private joke between himself and Taire didn’t know but it was driving him wild. “You idiot.”

         “Excuse me?”

         “You absolute-“

         “Fuck off Apollo. Okay? Do me that favor and fuck-“

Suddenly all his eyes could see was blue. The deep, indulgent, daring blue that shot from Enjolras into Taire’s soul, if he was being honest. Enjorlas had taken a step forward, inviting himself into Taire’s space and fuck if Taire wasn’t thoroughly fucked. But Enjolras, his fiery Apollo, spoke with a surprisingly voice. And he looked at Taire the entire time, his gaze having a conversation all its own.

         “You never listen do you?” Enjolras asked, very softly.

         “Oh I always listen to you, great Apollo.” Because Taire will go down fighting.

         “I needed to ask you that because...because I’m still stuck on you. I tried to hate you. Up until about yesterday, I tried so hard but I just-“ Enjolras paused and so, so carefully laid a pale, delicate but firm hand on Taire’s face as though he was trying to keep Taire’s attention. “I can’t. So I either need you to fuck off or-“ He stopped, his face quickly blushing to match his red jacket.

         “So crude, Apollo. What will the others think?” Taire teased in a voice that he was sure was shaking, way more concentrated on the hand still on his face. “Enjolras, I’m going to be honest with you, okay?” He began, looking incrediously into Enj’s eyes. After said blonde nodded Taire shakily continued, “I’m about three seconds away from kissing you if you don’t step back.”

         And there it is. He said it. After four years, he’s finally said it, said something and though it’s not much in the grand scheme of things Taire feels like he could just pass out. But if he did he would have missed the glint of gold that Taire swears passed through Enjolras’ eyes before stepping in even closer and whispered, “3, 2..1”

         Enjolras’ lips were disarmingly soft, Taire registered, seeing the blonde lean in and close his eyes. And all those stories Taire had read about the world stopping when they kissed; bullshit. The world began spinning. It wasn’t the most skillful or sensual but it was perfect because it was Enjolras. Enjolras was softly cupping Taire’s face as he determinedly pressed his lips against Taire’s/ Even this small kiss felt like it carried so much, so much of what neither had dared talk about, that Taire couldn’t help but kiss back immediately.

         On Enjolras’ part, he felt like he was burning. His entire body was pulsating, sending all its collective concentration to feeling Taire’s lips against his own. He only pulled back for a moment, looking into Taire’s eyes to make sure it was okay, before taking a shaky breathe and surging forward and encompassing Taire’s mouth with his own. The hand that was resting on Taire’s cheek slowly splayed so his fingers were holding onto his jaw, cheek bones, and tucked behind his ear. Holding Taire’s face there as Enjolras, slowly at first but quickly increased, tried to tell Taire how much the dancer had gotten to him. Meant to him. Every press, even shy tongue swipe was an insinuation of something much greater.

         “You’re trying to kill me, Apollo.” Taire whispered, after the two had to take a moment to breathe. Taire’s own hands were now resting hesitantly on Enjolras’ shoulders.

         “These four years have killed me.” Enjolras corrected and Taire couldn’t help but lean forward and kiss him on the mouth because he can maybe do that now.

         After he pulled away, Enjolras locked his eyes in an intense stare that sent a ripple down his spine. “Will you leave me again?” He asked in a very intense voice, one that Taire was used to, except when it was directed at him. When Taire didn’t respond, Enjolras softly ran his thumbs along the lines of Taire’s face, outlinging his cheek bones. “I like you. And I want you to give this, whatever it is a chance. Please?” He asked, suddenly looking scared as though Taire was going to disappear.

         And what could Taire do but nod and give a small, but very genuine smile. “Whatever this is. I want to find out.”

         “Good.” And just like that they were kissing again as though they had been doing this for years. As though this was their own language. Taire had just snaked his arms around Enjolras’ waist when the blonde pulled away and it was just unfair. Enjolras looked absolutely gorgeous with swollen, pink lips. His hair just that little bit messier.

         “Don’t tease me Apollo.” Taire murmured, chasing Enj’s mouth with his own to capture it again with an increasingly heavy kiss. But Enjolras pulled away, though he looked pained doing so.

         “Rehearsal’s going to start soon. I need to focus on that.” He explained, forcing himself to step out of Taire’s space.

         “After?” Taire asked bodly.

         “After.” Enjolras smirked, picking his bag up and starting to walk away before stopping, pressing an intoxicating kiss into Taire’s mouth before walking to the stage.


	10. The Clothes that Make the Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Taire and Enjolras finally admitted their feelings to each other, a break in rehearsal gives them an opportunity to explore what exactly they had been missing those past four years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of the series so far??

Whatever purgatory Taire had believed he may have been in before, it was nothing compared to this. Sitting in one of the front row seats watching Enjolras set the scene for the actors, Taire could still feel the vibration in his mouth, could still feel the coaxed smoothness of hips lips, could still the spread of warmth that had bloomed in Taire’s chest where Enjolras had pressed against him. Hell, Taire could still feel the blood stirring under his boxers, the previous -whatever-the-fuck-just-happened had opened the door to Taire’s imagination and despite his best efforts Taire just couldn’t close it, to be honest he didn’t really want to.

         He had shoved down fantasies during meetings and movie nights, except for when he was feeling particularly self loathing and allowed himself to picture these fantasies very vividly in the shower. So, now that is was okay, sort of?, even a tangibly possibility, Taire was using his entire will power not to go and put into play some of them right there.

         But it was more than lust of course. Enjolras was inarguably insanely attractive but Taire was convinced he could be blind and still be far too deeply in love with the director. Yesterday, when Enjolras was so so vulnerable and open to him, Taire almost wept right there. Yeah, Taire had suspected Enjolras had a complicated relationship with food but to hear the man admit it, even try to convince Taire that it was necessary, _deserved_. It wrecked him.

         No, Enjolras was an experience. Full of valor and passion and creativity. An experience so full, so encompassing that he would be remorse to miss a moment of the excitement, the honor, of existing with Enjolras.

         Enjolras, for his part, had no idea of the Wilde-esc monologue unraveling in Taire’s head. His mind was fully consumed with when, and what side, Vira’s father would enter. Or maybe he’ll be on stage the whole time? Trap door? He worked through each scenario, for the twentieth time, in his head very briefly before deciding to have the father be on stage, an eye always watching.

         “We’re keeping that” Enjolras informed the stage manager, calling over his shoulder into the audience. When no response came, Enjolras turned around and saw the extensive seating, the rest of the theatre that Enjolras had forgotten about in his blocking haze. Through the theatre lights he saw Ferre perched in the middle of the orchestra seating, his compositions taking up now five seats surrounding him. Cosset, scribbling determinedly in her binder didn’t look up but held up a thumbs up for Enjolras, “Got it.”

         “Merci.” Nodded Enjolras, about to turn back to his actors when he noticed the last audience member. He had to bite back a smile when he was how intensely Taire was looking at nothing. Enjolras couldn’t help but wonder, hope, that that nothing was actually Enjolras.

         “Feeling inspired by any of this?” Enjolras asked Taire, watching the dancer physically jolt out of his trance and whip his head up at Enjolras. In seconds, Enjolras watched Taire’s green eyes widen as to take in Enjolras before narrowing, a familiar teasing smear playing at his lips. He looked ready to respond with a biting quip about him being a cynic but he remembered their earlier conversation, how important this was to Enjolras. To all of them really. So while Enjolras had asked in a teasing manner, Taire’s face quickly softened from a sneer to a smile. “It’s captivating already, Enj. Seriously. The world is very specific, very palpable.”

         Enjolras faltered for a moment, meeting the dancer’s green eyes with his own and smiling a small, surprised smile. “Thanks.” He began to turn back to his work before stopping himself mid turn, “I’m going to finish blocking this scene then we’ll have a break. May I discuss some movement ideas I had for the next scene with you?”

         “Of course, mon directeur.” Taire answered earnestly, though he couldn’t help but catch the slightest smile in Enjolras’ words.

         With that, Enjolras turned back to his cast. “Thank you all for being so attentive so far, I really appreciate it. Now, you might notice I’m only giving you specific blocking for moments that involve a preset technical element, it’s in the dialogue, etc.” He started, commanding all their interest with his eyes as he continued; “That is because I am an actor’s director. Make your own choices, I trust you. I believe blocking, the planning of movement completely contradicts the truthfulness you’re supposed to reach in your acting. So, make your own choices. Take up space. Be bold. Follow instinct, yeah? We’re creating something that’s alive.”

 

 

After going through the first two scenes a few times and laying the ground work for character work and objectives, Cosset called for a fifteen minute break, approved by Enjolras.  The actors gratefully replied with ‘thank you fifteen’ before dispersing throughout the theatre.

Enjolras wrote a few last minute things in his notebook before shutting it and going down into the audience as well. As he descended the steps, he locked eyes with Taire who was looking him like a god descending into the mortal world. Enjolras smiled a little at him before turning to where his stuff was, placing his script down with care. “Taire, may I talked with you for a moment?” Enjolras asked, his voice too strained to pass as casual.

Taire nodded, standing up quickly. “Where?”

“Follow me.” He directed, replying without hesitation. As Enjolras turned and walked back up the theatre steps he added a brief “Be back in ten” to Cosset who was still writing determinedly in her binder.

Taire followed Enjolras up the steps of the stage and out through the stage right wings of the theatre, past the curtains, through the set pieces, and out to the,

“Costumes?”

“It’s quiet.” Enjolras shrugged, again with too much tension to convince casualness.

“Ah. So, what did you want to discuss?” Taire prompted, his chest horribly tight with tension. Maybe Enjolras really did just want to discuss the show. Which would be completely okay just, wow way to misread the situation.

“Oh..” Enjolras stuttered, his face falling at Taire’s words. He looked down, his hands playing with each other as he tried to calculate words. “I thought that... Maybe I misread-“

“I want to kiss you too, you idiot.” Taire smirked, his eyes playfully challenging Enjolras. “I just, you know didn’t want to assume.”

That seemed to visibly deflate Enjolras, his composure returning to normal and the confidence returning to his face. He took a step forward, into Taire’s space. Suddenly, Enjolras was toe to toe, chest to chest with Taire. Suddenly, that was much too far. Taire gently but purposefully placed a hand in Enjolras’ hair, silently marveling at the fact that he was actually touching ‘the’ hair.

Enjolras looked up at him as though trying to read his mind before whispering, “May I?”

Taire all but nodded before Enjolras had surged forward. It seemed like he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to savor the moment, after all kissing Grantaire was still a novelty, or to consume Taire’s entire being right there. His hands had found a hold on Taire’s waist, pulling him close.

Knowing it was unlike Enjolras to be indecisive, Taire used the hand on Enj’s neck and one on his waist to pull him even closer. If Enjolras’ lips had been testing, Taire’s made purchase. He deepened the kiss almost immediately, pressing against Enjolras’ beautiful mouth with his own. The blonde seemed to come alive at that, as though he was suddenly very sure which one it was he wanted. Enjolras smiled against Taire’s mouth, kissing back with all the anxiety he had harbored today, the relief of this reality, the joy Taire brought him. Poured it out and into the fervor in which he kissed Taire. After a few moments of very intentional kissing, Taire had accidentally pulled on Enjolras’ hair.

“Sor-“ Taire had begun to mumble against Enjolras’ lips only to be cut off by a breathy, deep moan that echoed from Enjolras. Highly encouraged now, Taire took advantage of the situation and slipped his tongue into Enjolras’ mouth. It was glorious. The sounds the director made went straight to Taire’s cock. He had a holding grasp on Enjolras, pulling his hair occasionally that always elicited a dangerously pleasurably moan from Enjolras.

Enjolras let Taire explore his mouth, caught in the bliss Grantaire everywhere. It wasn’t until his back hit the cold metal flat of the table that Enjolras realized they were moving. Taire didn’t even seem to notice, just broke off from Enjolras’ wanting mouth to explore Enjolras’ neck. He couldn’t help but let out a moan, “Taiire...” he breathed, eyes fluttering and he felt his hands fly up and find a hold into Taire’s glorious hair.

Struck with inspiration, Enjolras quickly jumped up on the table sitting so his legs were apart and hurriedly pulled Taire back to where he should be. As Enjolras pulled Taire into his space, Enj was briefly reminded of the day before in the bathroom when they were in a very similar situation. How badly he had wanted to wrap his legs around Taire’s wait and never let him go. He couldn’t do it then, but now...

Enjolras felt Taire step between his legs, gently trailing his fingertips up Enjolras’ thighs, just missing Enjolras’ growing bulge, up his torso and found grip again in Enjolras’ hair. Enjolras scooted as far forward as possible on the table, pressing himself into Taire, moaning into Taire’s neck as he did so. Taire smirked, pulling at Enjolras’ curls while sucking hard at the spot right below Enjolras’ right ear.

         This caused Enjolras to arch up into Taire, his head throwing back in pleasure. As he arched up, both moaned elicitly at the contact of their covered cocks rubbing against each other.

“Taire...” Enjolras whispered, not recognizing the sound of his own voice.

“Yes?” Came Taire’s reply, his voice sounding very gruff against Enjolras’ neck.

“I want- I want you to-“ He cut off in a moan as Taire ground down against Enjolras, greatly enjoying the profound affect it had.

“Tell me.” Taire whispered, nipping at Enjolras’ ear as he did so. At this point, Taire had worked up a rhythm so his hips were grinding down into Enjolras regularly creating harsh, teasing friction that was visibly building up between both of them. The thought that he was basically fucking Enjolras with clothes on made Taire’s breath hitch, making his hips grind down faster.

“What?” Enjolras asked, curiously. His brilliant blue eyes fluttering shut in response to every thrust of Taire’s hips.

“You’re just...fuck you look so fucking good like this.” Taire stammered, hands working out of Enjolras’ hair, down his sides to squeeze his ass, causing Enjolras to moan and his eyes to fly open.

“What? Under you?” Enjolras responded in a very low, sultry voice that went straight to Taire’s cock.

“Jesus Christ you can’t just say that” Taire breathed, hands suddenly tightening against Enjolras’ hips to quickly pull him against a harsh thrust of his hips.

Enjolras’ head flew back, exposing a beautiful stretch of neck that Taire had to reach up and kiss, sucking at the hollow of his collar bone.

         “I don’t any anything I don’t mean” Enjolras quipped back, raising an eyebrow challengingly. His hands slide down Taire’s shoulder’s and back, trying to pull him up on the table with him. Taire got the hint, lifting himself on the table and pushing Enjolras back slightly so he was fully holding himself over Enjolras, still grinding down onto him with an angle that made them both moan.

         “What? Here?” Taire asked, amused but fully not against the idea.

         Enolras smirked, reaching down between their stomachs and feeling for the bulge in Taire’s pants. The dancer automatically pushed down into Enjolras’ clever hand, letting out a deep moan. “Yes. One day. But not today because-“

         A familiar synthetic crescendo filled the room and Enjolras quickly reached behind him to turn his alarm off.

         “Rehearsal.” Enjolras explained, removing his hands and kissing Taire passionately as he sat up. “I usually wouldn’t do this at rehearsal I just...I needed to know.” As though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

         Begrudgingly and painfully hard, Taire slid off the table and helped Enjolras do the same. “If it counts, I will do you at rehearsal anytime.” He teased, raising his eye brows.

         Enjolras playfully rolled his eyes, leaning into kiss Taire again before turning and walking out, straightening his clothes as he went. Taire followed, doing the same, almost taking the blonde’s hand before he realized that he had no idea what Enjolras wanted out of this.

         It was with that thought that Taire sat back in the audience, looking thoughtful as Enjolras walked over and spent the last five minutes of his break going over notes with Ferre. Both of them sneaking glances at the other but eyes never meeting. 


	11. Boundaries...Somtimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find the balance between work and play. And how could Enjolras not reward good behavior?

Too caught up in the adrenaline of it all, Enjolras nearly worked through the rest of the breaks scheduled. This is until Cosset’s kind but stern reminder pulled him from the scene. Directing had always made him feel alive but now he felt positively electric. His ‘moment’ with Grantaire had been like a jump start, or a confirmation. With the fear of rejection gone, Enjolras felt elated. Laser focused.

  
When Cosset called for a ten (‘thank you ten’), Enjolras made a note in his script and walked into the audience. A familiar brunette was sat in the audience over his notebook, hunched over. Enjolras approached where Taire was sitting and perched on the top of a seat, putting his feet on the hand rests. “Feeling inspired?”

Grantaire barely looked up but flashed him a small smile despite himself. “I’ve got some ideas, yeah.”

“I’d love to see them. After rehearsal?”

Taire regarded him for a moment with a look that struck Enjolras as almost sorrowful. “Taire?”

“Hmm?” Taire asked, looking up from his notebook. 

“Dinner? Later? Swap ideas?”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, I’d love that Apollo.” And returned to his scribbles.

Okay, that was enough. Enjolras put his hand gently over the page, waiting the moment for Taire to look up. “You’re being weird.”

“Sure, okay, Apollo.” Taire dismissed, moving his notebook out from under Enj’s hand. 

Well, fuck. Enjolras dropped down into the seat next to Taire, leaning close to his ear to whisper, “did I do something? Too much?” His voice sounded so genuinely scared that Taire took pity on him and looked up. That was a mistake. Their faces now centimeters apart. 

“Never.” Taire joked seriously. However, when the humor didn’t land Taire continued with, “Seriously. That might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Enjolras’ concern broke, a smile softening his expression. “Me too. I missed you Taire...” He started, and Taire couldn’t help the way his heart flipped at that. “And now I’m so focused. I’ve never felt this, I don’t know, grounded? It’s like that got this anxiety out of my system and now I can focus-“

Taire’s eyes that had been wandering around the room snapped back to Enjolras’ face at those words. “What?”

“Hm? I’m just saying I can focus now-“

“Ah, great. Thought that’s what you said. Great, got it. Happy to be of service.” He snapped, something darkly insecure and guilty twisting in his stomach.

Enjolras fixed him with a look of extreme confusion and concern, “Taire? What are you-“

“And we’re back!” Cosset’s clear voice ringing through the theatre. 

Enjolras didn’t move, staring at Taire so intently he might actually catch on fire. “We’re talking about this after.” He whispered, panic evident in his voice.  
\--  
It may not be evident in his voice, but the way Enjolras carried himself for the last part of rehearsal had the energy of a thrilled five year old and the focus and specificity of one of the great. It was fuckin annoying, if you asked Grantaire who was harboring a deep fear and a possibly petty grudge. 

Enjolras had asked, “You’re not going to leave me again” but that could mean anything. ‘Give this a chance’ whatever the fuck that meant. It’s perfectly possible he’s making something out of nothing, but Taire couldn’t help but be anxious mulling over his thoughts. It was one thing to half drunkenly make out at a party, it’s a whole other to venture into a possible relationship. They just started to have a good report with each other, something four years in the making, Taire didn’t want to fuck it up now.

But then Taire looked up and saw Enjolras sitting so still, so silent, so incredibly focused on his actors. He was captivating. And Taire was almost so mesmerized that his anxieties about practicalities faded away. 

But then again there was Enjolras comment about ‘getting it out of his system’. Taire shook his head; he and Enjolras would talk about it. Hopefully.

“Thank you all for an incredible rehearsal. We worked five scenes today, and not easy ones. I will see you all tomorrow. Get rest, look over the script. Thank you for your heart and your hard work.” Enjolras addressed the actors and tech team, voice filled with gratitude and fondness.  
Soon after Enjolras’ dismissal, the actors started to gather their things and head out the door. Enjolras stayed where he was, scribbling something in his director’s notebook. The remaining stage light caught his hair perfectly, highlighting the curls so he looked almost alight with passion.

Taire noticed James, the one who had attempted to flirt with Enjolras yesterday, try to talk to Enjolras but reconsidered and exited with Ep. Taire himself was still perched in one of the audience’s seats, putting his stuff in his bag. He saw Ferre, sheet music in one hand and Courf’s hand in another, walk up to the edge of the stage.

“Brilliant, as always.” Ferre commented, his voice pulling Enjolras up from his notebook. He looked up, trying very hard but failing to not smile at Ferre.

“Thanks, Ferre.”

“Enchanting truly. See you tomorrow mon directour. I must get our wonderful composer home to make sure he’s properly relaxed after today’s rehearsal.” Courf winked just as Ferre lightly smacked his arm, his eyes rolling in his blushing face.

“Boundaries, Courf.”

“They’re boring. See you tomorrow!” Courf saluted, he and Ferre turning and walked up the isle, waving to Grantaire as they went.

And then there were two. Enjolras had already returned to his notebook, hand working even faster to write down his last few notes. Taire had stood up, covering awkwardly in the isle. He really wasn’t sure what to do here, which plan of action to take. So he took none, he simply waited for Enjolras to finish writing.   
Which he did, a moment later. He looked up, seeming dazed as though he just came back to Earth. He saw Taire in the audience and started to descend into the audience.

“Sorry, had to-“

“Don’t worry about it.” Taire dismissed, watching Enjolras pack up his bag. “So...where to? You know, if you still wanted to talk.”

Enjolras looked pensive for a moment before putting his bag over his shoulder and crossing to Taire. “I realize something I said earlier, about ‘getting it out of my system’ or something...it may have sounded wrong-“

“Don’t-“ Taire tried to interrupt, seeing how distraught Enjolras looked.

“I didn’t mean it like that. As I said earlier, to me this isn’t just a get it out of my system thing. I just meant instead of being terrified that you hate me, anxious to get into the next argument with you...as I am a lot, or was I guess, I felt his calmness. Because we don’t know what comes next but I was there, on that costume table. I felt you against me, I know at least to some extent that you don’t hate me-“

Taire couldn’t help the pathetic sarcastic laugh that shot out of his mouth. “Enjolras, I hope you know at this point I’m incapable of hating you. And don’t worry about it. I mean it hurt at first but I know what you meant. And I...” Taire took a moment to consider whether he wanted to sound completely pathetic. “I love watching you. Direct, speak, whatever. You’re intoxicating, captivating.” 

When Taire found the courage to look at Enjolras, he was pleased to see that Enjolras was blushing furiously. “Thank you Taire. It means a lot.” He hesitated a moment, before gently placing his finger tips lightly on Taire’s cheek bones. “I’d like to kiss you.”

“I’d like that. A lot actually.” Taire whispered, Enjolras’ blue eyes suddenly so close.

Enjolras, taking the confirmation, leaned forward to tip their heads together. His lips met Taire’s with a gentle but fervent touch. Taire’s hands found Enjolras’ hair almost immediately, massaging the scalp slightly and holding Enj’s head as Taire tilted his head to deepen the angle. This continued for a moment, Enjolras’ hands roaming down Taire’s back, across the expanse of his shoulders, and the grip of his hips. 

Taire pulled a little at Enjolras’ hair, remembering his reaction to it earlier. He felt Enjolras smile against his lips, the hands on Taire’s hips pulling him closer.   
He wanted to inhale Enjolras. Devour him. Live inside him. 

Enjorlas pulled away after a good moment, long enough so that when he spoke his voice was low and rough. “Can you stop by my apartment so we can talk about Vira?”

Taire leaned forward, taking Enjolras’ mouth in another scorching kiss. “My pleasure.”  
\---- 

Enjolras let go of Taire’s hand to open the door to his apartment, grateful once again for indoor heating. Enj had just barely placed his bag down when he felt Taire’s arms pull him back, turn him and push him down on the couch.

Taire crawled ontop of him, pressing his body down onto Enjolras. Their encounter in the costume room earlier had left him wanting and while he still couldn’t believe it was real life, this was a viable option. Taire attatched his mouth to Enjolras’, tasting it greedily before moving down to bite Enjolras’ pale, beautiful neck.

“Taire..” He heard Enjolras mumbled from below him. He continued, hips starting to roll teasingly, mouth working on a particular beautiful spot below his collar bone. 

“Taire.” Enjolras’ voice came again, breathy but firm. Taire smirked into Enjolras’ skin, the heat of his body underneath Taire’s intoxicating. His hand started to reach under

Enjolras’ shirt when Enjolras’ hand grabbed his, “Grantaire, stop.”

He froze. Taire’s entire body went stiff, panic searing through his body and instantly he was on the other side of the room, body stiff as a board and his face looking extremely guilty. “I’m sorry- I should have asked- I just assumed- which I know I should never do- Just earlier- Not that that means anything of course-“ He rambled, mouth going way faster than his brain could. 

Enjolras sat up and cut off Taire’s panicked rambling. “It’s okay. Really, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything I wasn’t okay with, okay?” He assured, his voice trying to coax something out of Taire.

It took Taire a moment, and his heart rate certainly hadn’t gone down but he managed to nod.

Enjolras held out a hand to Taire, “Will you come here?” His voice low and calm, too calm for Taire. But after a moment, Taire sat on the couch without taking Enjolras’ hand. He sat on the opposite side of the couch, similar to when Taire had first showed up at his apartment. Enjolras turned to Taire, who sat stiffly on the couch and spoke gently to him.

“I like, really like, everything you were doing to me. Really.” Enjolras started, a blush creeping up his cheeks. “But I really did ask you here to talk about the play. I’m sorry if I was unclear about that.”

“No, don’t be apologize.” Taire spoke, his voice clear but anxious.

“I didn’t mean to mislead or disappoint you. But this is really important to me. And I meant what I said earlier; I usually don’t even think about anything vaguely romantic when I’m focused on a project but I couldn’t help this. And that’s not a bad thing, I’m really excited about what we’re starting but this show is a priority. You know that about me. I want to do so much with you Taire, and I’m not saying we wait until the end of the show. I want to kiss you, go to coffee shops, museums, whatever. Just, when I say I need to work on the show I need you to respect that, okay?” He explained, his voice firm though Taire could sense the nerves in it.

Taire nodded quickly, “Absolutely. I’m really sorry Enj I just- You’re beautiful. But I care about this project too. It’s brilliant and I want to give It my all. And more so you care about it so I care about it more than most things in the world.”

“Most things?” Enjolras asked, an gentle amusement prevalent in his voice. 

“Not even you can beat pancakes.”

“I believe waffles can.” Countered Enjolras.

Taire shook his head, “Ah, I finally found your mortal flaw.” Which got him a teasing eye roll and laugh from Enjolras. After, Taire took his hand gently, making gentle circles with his thumb on the top. “I get it. And I promise I really will give this project my all. I promise. Okay?”

“Okay.” Enjolras nodded, exhaling in relief. 

“Now, how do you feel like a kick line in act 3?”

The pair spent the next three hours sat on the floor in front of spread of images, notebooks, scripts, and post it notes sprawled on the floor. 

The clock read 2 a.m when Enjolras took a picture of the floor and posted it to their production team Facebook page.

“This is a good foundation.” Enjolras commented, his voice sounding thicker with tiredness despite his best efforts. 

“I’m really excited.” Taire smiled earnestly, meeting Enjolras’ eyes.

“So am I.” Enjolras agreed, taking Taire’s hand and kissing the back of it. Taire smiled back at him. “I’m also excited for you to get some sleep and I know you didn’t get any last night.”

Enjolras started to protest but Taire leaned forward to cut that off with a kiss. “You know it’s true. Now, I’m going to go-“

“It’s two in the morning.” Enjolras commented, as though it were early.

“Exactly. And you have rehearsal tomorrow. We have rehearsal tomorrow.”

“Yes?”

“So I’m going to go, after I kiss you goodnight of course, then I’ll see you tomorrow, at your door step with a triple shot almond milk Americano where I’ll get to kiss you hello.” Taire explained, as though this was completely normal and not a revelation.

Enjolras smiled at Taire’s dorkiness, leaning forward for press an inviting kiss against Taire’s lips. “It’s still early...And we’re done working.” He whispered, crawling across the floor and onto Taire’s lap, straddling him. Enjolras leaned in close to Taire’s ear, biting it a little and said in a husky whisper; “How about a little reward?” His hand dragging down Taire’s chest and slipping inbetween their joined crotches to palm Taire.

Taire nearly chocked, his breathing stopped and his cock stirred jerkily in his and into Enjolras’ hand. “You can’t just...you can’t just say that.” 

“I’m not just saying.” Enjolras smirked, long fingers pressing against Taire before playing with his wasit line. His eyes met Taire’s and he pressed an absolutely filthy kiss into Taire’s mouth. “May I?” 

Taire nodded fervently, arching his hips to meeting Enjolras. The blonde laughed lowly, slightly grinding down to meet Taire. “ _Please.._ ” Taire whispered, his vision already starting to blur. 

Enjolras grinned, reattaching his mouth to Taire’s while his nimble fingers undid Taire’s zipper, spreading the fabric away. He continued to dominate Taire’s mouth as his fingers teased Taire’s cock through the thin gray fabric. 

A deep moan echoed from Taire, vibrating in his chest and throughout the room. Spurred on, Enjolras dipped his fingers into Taire’s underwear and pulled out his already achingly hard member. 

The skin on skin contact was searing, both of them gasping at the contact. Enjolras had pulled his mouth away from Taire’s so he could look down at him. Taire distracte himself by letting his hands roam down Enjolras’ back to his ass, squeezing it. Enjolras, caught by surprise, moaned loudly, his hands gripping Taire’s member.

He started a rhythm, teasing at first, Enj’s hand just barely applying pressure, thumb occasionally glazing and taunting the tip. Taire was panting, his head thrown back.

Taire’s hands were gripping Enjolras’ ass and the blonde had started to grind his hips back into Taire’s hands, his own clothed cock thrusting down near Taire’s freed one.  
“ _Jesus Christ Enj_ -“ Taire breathed, cutting himself off to cry out.

“I don’t think he’s involved with this- _Taaaaaire_ ” Enjolras laugh huskily, only to exclaim when Taire hand pushed him further down onto him.

“I’m close.” Taire whispered, his eyes shut at this point. Enjolras grinned, focusing on speeding his hand up, flicking his wrist occasionally. Taire groaned, arching up to meet Enjolras’ hand and his grinding.

Enjolras leaned forward, whispering in a rugged whisper right into Taire’s ear. “I can’t stop thinking about riding you.” Grinding down particularly hard to punctuate his point.

That was all Taire could take. Moaning at the image of Enjolras, fucking Enjolras, riding him and the sinful way he was moving his hips and his hand, Taire came bursting all over Enjolras’ hand. 

He might have been swearing, he had no idea. All Taire could think was “ _Enjolras Enjolras Enjolras_ -“ as he was wracked through with sweet oblivion.

Still bleary from bliss, Taire watched as Enjolras leaned down and licked a strike of cum off of Taire. If he could have come again, he would have right there.

Enjolras watched, amused and highly satisfied with himself. After a moment, Taire tried to get a hold of his breathing before meeting Enjolras’ eyes.

“You..you’re something else.” He whispered, pulling Enjolras in to kiss him deeply. “I can’t believe that just fucking happened.” 

Enjolras nodded, kissing Taire back enthusiastically. “Neither can I.” His voiced gruff and low. It was then Taire realized that he could still feel Enjolras’ hardness pressing down into him. “Let me.”

It barely took a few strokes, once Taire had gotten Enjolras’ free of his pants and underwear, Enjolras was coming violently swearing and grinding into Taire’s hand as his mouth kissed filthy swears into Taire’s mouth.

Enjolras collapsed forward, head resting fully on Taire’s shoulder, panting to catch his breath. Taire ran gentle finger tips up and down his back, drawing random shapes into his back and the thighs that still straddles him.

After what seemed like a moment stretched in infinity, Taire gentle tapped Enjolras’ thigh. “Legs numb and it’s three in the morning. You have to sleep.” 

Enjolras grumbled, his voice sounding distant and sleepy. Taire rolled his eyes fondly, somehow managing to carefully stand up, keeping a boneless, exhausted Enjolras in his arms. He carried Enj to his bed, gently wiping them both clean with a damp cloth. He stripped Enjolras of his now dirty jeans and underwear before tucking him into bed, pulling the covers up over him. Enjolras snuggled into the warmth, sound asleep.

Taire smiled fondly, delicately kissing the top of Enjolras’ head before grabbing his own coat, turning the lights out and quietly exiting Enjolras’ apartment. He stepped out under the stars and took a breath taking in the beauty for a moment before wandering down the road to the Musain, crashing in one of their booths to catch a quick power nap before he would get Enjolras’ favorite coffee and show up at his apartment and give it to his boyfriend (?) .


	12. To Gain a Bagel and Lose a Towel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taire returns with bagels. They have a chat in an odd position. And Enjolras eats a bagel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This story definitely has a shape but it's also what I want to write. So please enjoy the ride as these two idiots figure out how to be in a relationship

“Why didn’t you just sleep here?” Enjolras asked in lieu of greeting Taire the next morning as the sleep deprived dancer stood on Enjolras’ door step with two coffees and breakfast sandwiches.

         “Didn’t want to intrude.” Taire shrugged, stepping into the warm apartment and handing Enjolras the coffee and sandwich. Enjolras set the sandwich down before sitting cross legged on the arm chair. Enjolras was dressed in a long gray knitted sweater and those tiny pajama shorts that Taire loved. Taire, on the other hand, was still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

         “Intrude?” Enjolras asked back, eye brow raising to show his confusion.

         “I wanted you to sleep and..I don’t know we didn’t discuss sleeping over. That’s..you know.”

         “What?”

         “It’s a big thing.”

         “Sleeping over?”

         “Sometimes, yeah.”

         Enjolras regarded him eyes that were thoughtful but not unkind. “I guess it can be. But I don’t think we’re going at a conventional pace.” He smiled playfully.

         Taire conceded at that, matching Enjolras’ smile. “Fair.” He moved to sit on the couch instead of standing awkwardly as he was before.

         “Well maybe some night you can spend the night...you know sometime.” Enjolras offered, a slight red creeping across his pale neck.

         Taire put a hand on his own forehead, feigning a dramatic show. “Monsieur Enjolras, do you have sinful, homosexual intentions for me? I must go tell the church.”

         The director rolled his eyes, taking a long sip of his coffee before setting the cup down on the table, standing up and crossing over to Taire and pressing a firm kiss on Taire’s mouth. The dancer responded almost immediately, hand lacing in Enjolras’ hair. After a moment of close-mouthed but still enthusiastic kissing, Enjolras pulled away but stayed close.

         “Next time stay the night..please.”

         And fuck if that didn’t melt Taire’s heart right there. He nodded minutely, pressing a warm kiss into Enjolras’ forehead. “I’d love that.” He whispered back just as Enjolras moving to sit on Taire’s lap, legs going on either side of Taire’s. Enjolras tucked his head into the crook of Taire’s neck. The brunet put his hands gently on Enj’s back, drawing small patterns. They stayed like this for a while, sleepy with morning drowsiness and peaceful with the truce of a four year war.

         Eventually, Taire whispered gently in Enjolras’ ear, stroking his hair delicately, “Will you go on a date- I mean would you want to date me-“ Taire cut himself off, the words he rehearsed so many times falling asleep in the Musain booth failing him as he felt Enjolras’ heart beat vibrate through his own body and held the docile body of the strong leader in his own hands.

         “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?” Came Enjolras’ small reply, though Taire couldn’t discern the emotion in it.

         “Uh, yeah. I’d love that, only if you want of course.” Taire fumbled, feeling Enjolras start to move back to look at him. Taire stilled him with his hands, “Wait, please I need to say something but I can’t look at you when I do.”

         “Why?”

         “Feelings. I’m just, I’m not good with them yet but I’m trying to be but I can’t look at you because it’ll freak me out okay?”

         It took a moment, but Enjolras nodded, easing back into his lean against Taire’s chest. He felt Taire take a deep breath before speaking.

         “Yesterday, at rehearsal, I was freaked out because you said like ‘give this a chance’ or whatever but then talked about clearing you head so I just, I don’t know I don’t know what you want from this. Like casual sex, which would be totally okay because jesus fucking Christ have you seen yourself- anyway, but for me it’s not just, not just attraction for you I-I would like to date you. And I’m saying this because I suck at communication and I feel so fucking awkward right now but I don’t want to screw this up so I’m just saying it okay? Because I’m scared to shit that I mess this up. And it’s either I fuck it up by going nothing or by doing anything so I thought why not try, right?” Taire stammered out, talking a mile a minute finishing with a weak laugh.

         Enjolras was silent for a moment, though Taire might have been able to feel his smile into his neck. “Can I look at you?” Enjolras asked quietly. Taire nodded, before realizing Enjolras couldn’t see that before adding, “yeah”.

         Slowly, Enjolras shifted so he was sitting up, facing Taire. Enjolras placed a hand on Taire’s face. He ran his thumb absent mindedly over Taire’s cheek bones, tracing the lines. “When I said I want to give this a chance. I meant us. I want to go on dates with you, hold your hand in public. Let everyone know you’re mine. Take you home to our bed. Introduce you as my boyfriend.” He explained, his voice gentle but beamed with warmth that gushed through his sweet smile.

         “Who knew my Apollo was a poet?” Taire teased, because what else was he supposed to say to that.

         “Hardly. Do you want that?” Enjolras asked, nervousness evident in his voice.

         Now Taire was no where near as elegant with words as Enjolras was so he decided to lean forward instead, capturing Enjolras’ lips with his own. Enjolras responded, smiling into Taire’s mouth. They tasted each other, holding on, no longer scared they would disappear but rather in celebration that the other was there.

         Taire pulled on Enjolras’ hair, securing a warm hand around Enjolras’ waist before, in a move only smooth because of his dance training, he flipped Enjolras so he laid on his back with Taire leaning over him, leg in-between Enjolras’ to strain his hips against his.

         The dancer leaned down, nipping at a red spot on Enjolras’ neck, grinning as he felt the blond gasp underneath him. “Now,” Taire started, murmuring sultry in Enjolras’ ear, “you once said that I should either ‘fuck off or fuck you’...” Taire wound a hand down to grab at Enjolras’ ass, causing the blond to moan deeply. “I’ll take the second,” Taire continued, pulling Enjolras’ hips up to meet Taire’s. Enjolras, automatically grinding into Taire’s glorious hand moaned.

         “Wait- _fuck Taire_ \- we have rehearsal-“ Enjolras protested.

         Taire affectionately rolled his eyes, continuing his relentless grind downwards. “In like four hours.”

         Despite the growing effect Taire’s movements obviously had on Enjolras, the blond shook his head. “After. Whenever you want, okay?”

         That caused Taire’s brow to frown, pushing himself so he was suspended over Enjolras. “Of course..Fuck-“ he pushed himself fully off so he was sitting fully. “Fuck I’m-I swear I listened yesterday I just- we were celebrating if you want to go slow we totally can-“

         Enjolras sat up, moving so he was sitting next to Taire so he could take his hands. “Just..” He sighed, like there was a fire inside him and he was exhaling the smoke. “Slow. Sure, we’ll call it that.”

         Taire squeezed the hand in his own, thumb gently tracing the countours in the other’s. “Are you..”

         “I’m good. I just..it’s early in the rehearsal process and, well I’m insane I know but I need to put all of myself in it. I have to go over the scenes today.” He took a breath, kissing the back of his hand. “You knew this about me..” He started, looking like he was reassuring himself that it was okay to be confident with this.

         “And I’m intoxicated by it.” Taire assured, every word filled with honesty. “Enj, I call you Apollo not just because you look like you’re fuckin carved from marble, which you do, but when you speak, Christ, I can’t look away. I’m fucked. When you rant, when you’re describing an idea or giving a direction- Why do you think I stay at all the Amis meetings?”

         “To annoy me?” Enjolras teased.

         “Well, yes. But to hear you. I’m an asshole to you- yes, don’t even try, because the more heated you got the more beautiful.” Taire insisted, looking into Enjolras’ eyes with such earnest Enjolras had to duck his head.

         “And you said you weren’t a poet.” He whispered, an adorable pink blush spreading across Enjolras’ cheeks. Taire chuckled, putting a hand gently under Enjolras’ chin to lift his face up so Taire could kiss him gently.  “Anything, and I mean anything you want to give me, even if it’s just sitting on a couch with you. It’s enough, okay?”

         Enjolras took on an expression that Taire couldn’t quite depict, disbelief maybe? Relief? He couldn’t tell. He opened his mouth as if to say ‘really?’ before stopping himself. Instead, Enjolras leaned forward and kissed Taire gently, smiling into Taire’s lips.

         “Well, in the mean time, can I get you anything? Fresh clothes, a shower?”

         “Both sound amazing.” Agreed Taire, “but first,” he said reaching forward to grab the two breakfast sandwiches and held one out to Enjolras. “Breakfast.”

         Enjolras took it, reaching forward for his coffee as well. He unwrapped the sandwich, taking half in his hand before setting the rest on the table. Taire wrapped an arm around Enjolras’ shoulders, an action that seemed far too casual to be reality, and kissing his head for good measure. Enj smiled at the gesture, “thank you for doing this.”

         “They let me sleep there, the least I could do was buy two sandwiches.” Taire dismissed, taking a large bite of his own. “Fuck I’m starving.” He whispered, not feeling how truly hungry he was until he had tasted food.

         Enjolras laughed, “my freshman year finals I pretty much slept there the whole week. Pretty sure they thought I was homeless.”

         “Enj, I’m pretty sure you did that last week.”

         “I had a big essay due,” Enjolras protested, taking a bite of his sandwich.

All in all, Taire managed to distract Enjolras enough for him to see the man eat practically a full half of a bagel. Distraction was the best, and frankly only, tactic he had because he guessed putting Enjolras on the spot would probably just fuck everything up. He took a shower and soon found out that he had to talk to Enjolras about polygamy because he was in a serious committed relationship with this shower.

         When he walked out in a green stripped towel, Enjolras was sitting on the bed with a simple button down and pair of jeans in hand. “I thought these would fit you best. I think I’m a size or two bigger than you but-“

         “Enjolras those are like three sizes too small for me.” Taire laughed, acting very casual as he walked over to Enjolras’ closest and started riffling through. “You may be taller but I’m way more muscular.” He added, trying to explain himself more.

         Eventually they decided on an outfit, but Enjolras just couldn’t let Taire get changed before he properly took advantage of the towel. After some heated kisses and the disrobing of the towel, Enjolras left Taire in peace (and intense sexual frustration) to change.

         When Taire came out he saw Enjolras perched on the couch script in one hand and coffee in the other with a pen poised behind his ear. Taire decided to sit in the arm chair, taking his own script out and mark in the rest of his thoughts that the chat with Enjolras last night had produced. It was oddly, charmingly domestic.

         When it was time to walk to rehearsal, they walked hand in hand with Taire making Enjolras laugh with his sarcasm and Taire laugh with disbelief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed it please comment!


	13. Star Wars the Cuddle Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negotiations happen over Chinese food. Enjolras is secretly a cuddle monster and Taire is appalled at Enjolras' movie taste.

Enjolras sat up in the mezzanine, watching in thoughtful wonder as his actors ran through act 1. With intense hard work from all the actors, they had managed to work through all the scenes in act 1 and now were running it at the end of rehearsals.

         _Boyfriends..._ ponders Enjolras, playing with his pen with his fingers. _He doesn’t know you. He’s going to be disappointed when-_ He shook his head, concentrating on writing a note to give the actors than the self destructive voice in his head. _But you know it’s true. It’s just because you’re beautiful. At least he thinks so. He wants your body. Nothing else. To fuck you. That’s all you are to him, to anyone_.

         Fighting against the increasingly dark, swarming thoughts Enjolras watched more intently as Ep delivered a line with such sass he couldn’t help but smile. It was nice, camping out in the mezzanine all alone. He couldn’t see any of his tech members, his _boyfriend_ Enjolras reminds himself, below. Just the actors and the theatre he had had a hand in creating.

         Act 1 was about to close, the actors exchanging their last lines when a hauntingly pretty, intricate piano melody blasted over the speakers. Enjolras jumped, as did many others in the theatre. That was soon followed by a “SORRY!” in a voice that could only be Ferre’s. Enjolras stood up and walked to the edge of the mezz, looking over at a very ruffled looking Ferre frantically pressing buttons on his laptop as the music danced through the speakers.

         “Wait,” Enjolras called, concentrating on the music. Ferre obeyed, turning the volume down a bit but letting it still play. They all listened in rapt attention to the music, Ferre blushing horribly and Enjolras with closed eyes, letting the music prompt visions of his play.

         After the final notes were struck, Enjolras opened his eyes and smiled down at Ferre, “Genius. Absolutely brilliant.”

         “Thanks. It’s just the piano, and a rough take at that..I was going to show you after rehearsal but,” Ferre strugged, unable to wipe the smile from his face.

         Addressing the actors, Enjolras directed them to “let this inform the finals moments of act 1.”

\--

Fifteen minutes later and the actors, after being thoroughly thanked by Enjolras, were on their way followed by Cosset. Courf, of course, stayed by Ferre’s side while Enjolras and he discussed initial thoughts on music. After that conversation had concluded, Ferre took a step closer to Enjolras with the expression that said ‘you’re not going to like this but you’re going to comply’.

         “What have you eaten today?”

         Enjolras bit back the urge to groan. “Bagel..half of one.”

         He saw Ferre nod, and Enjolras could see him make the decision to not outwardly show his disappointment.

         “You could join Ferre and I for dinner if you want?” Offered Courf, “that or we drop by with take away.”

         “No, it’s okay really-“

         “Enj we’ve talked-“ Courf began to interject before Enjolras pressed on with, “Taire’s coming over. He’ll make sure I eat.”

         The look Ferre and Courf exchanged made Enjolras visibly blush. But all Courf said was “iiintersting. Very interesting.” Before both wished Enjolras a goodnight, exiting the theatre hand in hand.

         Silence. There was lovely, ringing silence in the theatre for a moment. Enjolras took a moment, standing in the middle of the isle and just _breathed_. He closed his eyes, letting the monumental silence produced by the theater wash over him. He felt still, if even just for a moment.

         That moment lasted only until Enjolras heard a poorly muffled cough. When he turned and opened his eyes, Enjolras saw Taire standing on the stage bag and coat in hand looking very regretful he interrupted Enjolras.

         “Sorry..” Taire began, though he was looking at Enjolras with a vaguely wondrous expression. Enjorlas shook his head, getting his own coat and bag in his hands. “Don’t be. I was just...appreciating.”

         “So was I.” Taire added silently, going down the steps and meeting Enjolras in the isle. He leaned down to kiss Enjolras gently on the mouth because he could do that now. “Hi” he whispered, barely audible against Enjolras’ lips.

         “Hi” he whispered back, kissing Taire once more before pulling back. “Dinner?”

         “Starving.”

\--

“What do you mean you’ve never seen _Star Wars_?!” Taire exclaimed, jaw dropping in disbelief. His previous mission of opening the Chinese Tupperware container forgotten. “Who hurt you?”

         Enjolras shrugged, spooning some rice onto his plate laughing slightly at Taire’s reaction. “I’ve seen the prequels if that helps.”

         Taire put a hand to his chest as though he had been fatally shot. “That somehow makes it _worse_. How have you _never_ seen _Star Wars?_ Did you not have a childhood?”

         “Not your childhood, apparently.” Done with filling his plate, Enjolras went to sit down on the couch.

         Taire stayed where he was, staring his disbelief after Enjolras. “Not anyone who has any semblance of taste. How the- do you even know who Darth Vader is?”

         “Someone’s father?”

         “See! So you do know something about it.”

         “No, vader just means father in German. It was a guess.” Enjolras shrugged, looking down to take a bite of his meal so he completely gave the eye roll Taire gave him.

         “Sure so you don’t know who Luke Skywalker is but you just happen to know the biggest fucking plot twist in the entire cinematic history.” Taire exclaimed, plopping down next to Enjolras on the couch.

         “What?” Enjolras asked, completely lost.

         Taire ignored Enjolras’ questioning, taking the remote and logging into his AmazonPrime on Enjolras’ TV.

         “What are you doing?” Enjolras asked, around a mouthful of rice.

         The video library successfully pulled up, Taire scrolled through the many, many movies before the entirety of the _Starwars_ movies filled the screen. “Giving you an education,” ignoring the dubious look Enjolras gave him, Taire pointed the remote at the TV and pressed play.

         “We have rehearsal tomorrow.” Enjolras protested.

         “Then we’ll only watch one tonight. But mark my words, mighty Apollo. You will watch the entirety of this genius cinematic masterpiece series. Okay?”

         Enjolras set his bowl down, leaning his head on Taire’s shoulder, his nose nuzzling into Taire’s neck. “Only if you promise to stay tonight.” He mumbled softly, words seeping into Taire’s skin. “If you want to, that is.”

         _That’s not fair_. Taire thought, his heart aching at how sweet, how _soft_ the mighty Enjolras was being. _Your boyfriend_ , Taire reminded himself and fuck how is that real life? He turned his head and lovingly kissed the top of Enjolras’ head. “I want to. A lot, actually.” He assured, whispering it into the wild curls of Enjolras’ hair.

         “Deal.” Enjolras whispered back, adjusting so he was fully pressed into Taire’s side, most of his weight leaning on Taire’s shoulder. Vaguely, Taire wondered if the rest of the Amis had the privilege of knowing that their fearless leader was a giant cuddle bug. But he was soon distracted as the iconic opening music started and his attention was drawn to the screen. “No falling asleep either. This is an important part of your education.”

         “That wasn’t part of the deal” he quipped back, but he watched the screen just the same.

\--

Despite his initial protests Enjolras really did do his best to stay awake. At first it really was just to humor Taire, with Enjolras focusing more on how easily his body melded into Taire’s. But soon Enjolras realized the applicable political undertones present in the film and he was genuinely interested. By the end of the movie, Enjolras was sitting up on the couch, eyes trained intently on the screen. Taire watched him, both amused at how invested Enjolras seemed to be, but also minorly distracted at how Enjolras had casually laid a hand down on Taire’s thigh. As though even they were sitting next to each other, Enjolras still needed to touch him in someway. As though it was obvious, natural even.

         By the time the ending credits played, Enjolras turned to Taire, eyes wide and asked “can we please watch another?” Taire chuckled triumphantly, shaking his head. “Nope, I promised you. Just one because we have rehearsal tomorrow.”

         Enjolras rolled his eyes, “since when do you listen to what I tell you to do?”

         “Since it became convenient for me.”

         “Lucky you.”

         Taire leaned forward, kissing Enjolras movingly on the mouth, partially to convey something partially just to confirm that it was real. “Yeah..luck me.” He whispered very close to Enjolras face and he saw the blonde’s expression soften immediately and a blush spread across his cheeks.

         “Tomorrow? After rehearsal?”

         “Whatever you want Apollo.”

         “I mean, if you want to. I know I haven’t really given you a break from me-“

         “Apollo, I’ve had a four year break from you. Anytime doing literally anything I get to have with you is incredible, really. I just like being here.”

         Enjolras grinned at that, leaning forward to capture Taire’s with his own. “I like that too...Now, bed?” Enjolras offered, “I have an extra tooth brush in the medicine cabinet and there’s extra pajamas, if you sleep in pajamas, in my dresser.”

         Taire laughed, once again pressing his lips to Enjolras’. “I usually sleep in just my boxer’s, if that’s okay with you.”

         “More than.” Assured Enjolras, kissing Taire once more before getting up and bringing the dirty dishes into the kitchen. “Go get ready for bed, I’m just going to put these away.”

         “You sure?”

         “It’s putting containers in a refrigerator, I think I’ll live.” Retorted Enjolras, capping one of them to prove his point.

\--

         A few take away containers later, and Enjolras was laying with his head resting on Taire’s chest under his duvet. It was quiet, comfortingly so. Even in his sleepy haze, Enjolras couldn’t help but smile. He leaned up and kissed Taire ever so gently on the mouth, “goodnight Taire.”

         Taire kissed him back lovingly, adding one on his forehead for extra measure. “Goodnight my Apollo.” He could hear the eye roll, tired as Enjolras must be before they settle into comfortable silence and soon, a deep sleep.


	14. Terrifyingly True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras has a nightmare and Taire learns how to help. Ferre and Courf show up for moral support and who knew Courf could be so terrifying?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hope you're enjoying this! Gotta say that the last chapter and part of this one really warmed my cold, dead heart

Grantaire’s arm was numb. At this point he couldn’t confirm whether it was still there or not. Of course, the logical thing would be to move it and to let some of the blood flood back into it. However, he couldn’t and frankly didn’t want to. Because said numb arm was currently circled around a certain sleeping blonde boy that Taire had the pleasure of calling his boyfriend.

         Taire’s more muscular arm was holding Enjolras’ slim, bare torso to his body and he could feel the breath fill and exhale from his body. He knew that Enjolras did not sleep, let alone sleep well, often so Taire was extremely hesitant to disturb that now. Besides wasn’t this a stage in the relationship? Staying in uncomfortable positions to make the other person happy?

         They stayed like that for a while more until Taire felt the breath flowing through Enjolras’ body hitch then quicken. Taire peered over, thinking he would find Enjolras’ waking up but instead he saw rapid eye movement underneath Enjolras’ eyes lids. He was now breathing rapidly, and Taire felt a hand grab tightly onto his arm. Enjolras was having a nightmare.

         _Fuck fuck fuck_ thought Taire, torn about what to do. He had never seen Enjolras this small or vulnerable or _scared_ and it freaked him out. Deciding to try something, and spurred on by the frankly horrified whimper Enjolras made, Taire sat up shaking Enjolras lightly but then harder to try and wake him up.

         “Enj? It’s Taire. Enj? Enjolras? Enjolras wake up. Wake up” he kept on whispering, gently trying to shake Enjolras from his gripping sleep.

         In a start, Enjolras’ eyes flew open, his entire body stilling.  It was silent for a moment, Enjolras’ breath returning to normal as he settled back into his body. After a moment, Enjolras’ blue eyes looked up and saw Taire leaning over him looking extremely concerned. Enjolras’ seemed confused for a moment before whispering “just a nightmare’ before quickly getting up, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

         Taire sat there, entirely awkward not knowing what to do. _Should I know? No, no he needs space. What if he’s hurting himself?- No, calm down he just wants to breath..._

         This internal debate continued on in Taire’s mind while Enjolras collected himself in the bathroom. His knuckles were grasped so tightly that they matched the porcelain white of the sink that he grabbed tightly. His rugged breath carried through the small bathroom and seemed to shoot back to him, ringing in through his ears. _It had been going to well..._ Enjolras thought distantly, head hanging down by his arms. _Don’t look in the mirror. Don’t. You won’t like it. Then you won’t have control. You won’t._ His thoughts spiraled on, causing him to bring his hands to his hair and grab onto it, either trying to rip out his thoughts or pack them back in.

         _You aren’t enough. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. They know it. They know it. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. That’s all you are. They’ll take it. Take. Take. Take. You have no control. You have-_

         “Enj?” Came Taire’s timid call from the other side of the door. Enjolras heard it from the haze and took a deep breath, going deep inside himself to pack those thoughts away. He released his hands from their death grip and smoothed out his hair

After a long moment of silence when Taire was seriously questioned whether calling to Enj was a great idea, the door opened and a very calm, too calm Enjolras stepped out. “Sorry, wanted to brush my teeth. Coffee?”

Without waiting for Taire’s response, Enjolras brushed past him and into the kitchen where he immediately started flicked the kettle on and started scooping coffee into the French Press.

Taire followed hesitantly. Enjolras obviously wasn’t alright, bullshit if he tried to protest otherwise. He lingered at the edge of the kitchen, wanting to give Enjolras his own space. “Can I hug you?” Taire asked gently.

“Whatever you want.” Came Enjolras’ reply, not turning around.

“Do you want a hug, I should have said. Do you want a hug, Enj?”

He saw Enjolras pause a moment before turning to Taire and nodded minutely. “That’d be nice..”

Taire walked forward, gently pulling Enjolras towards him and encapsulating him into a hug. It was more of a hold at first, for the moment they made contact Enjolras had frozen for a moment before melting into Taire’s touch, giving all his weight over. Taire held up Enjolras, gently drawing shapes into his back and pressing light kisses into his hair. They stayed like that, Enjolras feeling himself return to his own body, letting Taire hold him. After several minutes Enjolras lifted his head slightly, eyes not quite meeting Taire’s. “Thank you..” he whispered.

Taire shook his head, dismissing the notion. “I just want to help. Are you better now?” Enjolras nodded his head, curls flopping as he did so. “Just a nightmare.”

“I’m gonna call bullshit on that but I won’t press.” Taire laughed quietly. Enjolras couldn’t help but smile at that, blue eyes finally looking up to meet Taire’s. They took each other in for a moment before Enjolras very gently pressed his lips to Taire’s and whispered “good morning” against his lips. The corner of Taire’s lips lifted and pressed another delicate kiss into Enjolras’ lips and whispered “good morning Enj” back.

 The rest of the morning was spent very calmly. They made breakfast together, well Enjolras very blatantly explained that he could not cook and therefore Taire made then scrambled eggs and toast which they ate together at Enjolras’ breakfast bar, coffee in hand.

         Taire couldn’t help but notice that despite his best efforts to distract him, Enjolras ate less than normal. He guessed that it was probably from the nightmare, and didn’t press it but made a note to bring it up to Ferre later.

         Eventually, Enjolras excused himself to go shower which Taire took as an opportunity to text Ferre.

 

**R:** _Enj won’t eat breakfast_

**COMBEFERRE** : _At all?_

**R:** _A little. He had a nightmare. Locked himself in the bathroom. He seems 2 b better but still shaken I think_

**COMBEFERRE** : _He won’t. I can come by if you want b4 rehearsal?_

**R:** _What should I do?_

**COMBEFERRE:** _Distract him. Don’t be too touchy_

**COMBEFERRE:** _no frickity frackin this morning ;)_

**COMBEFERRE:** _sorry courf stole my phone_

**COMBEFERRE:** _distract him. We’ll be there b4 rehearsal_

**R:** _Noted. Hi Courf_

         By the time Enjolras was out of the shower, Taire had changed into his clothes and was sitting on the couch, script in hand. Enjolras emerged, fully dressed but hair adorably tussled and wet. It must have shown on Taire’s face because Enjolras stopped and smiled confusedly at Taire. “What?”

         “Nothing, you’re just..well adorable.”

         “Adorable?”

         “Fully. Completely.”

         “Interesting.” Enjolras noted, clearly amused at Taire’s infatuation and sat next to Taire. “What are you working on?”

         “Preparing my notes, thoughts whatever for the tech meeting later.”

         Enjolras nodded as if in approval. “I should do that too” and got up to grab his own script.

         They spent most of the morning like that, sitting in relative silence working on their respective work. Taire kept a careful eye on Enjolras, who genuinely seemed very focus on his work. But whenever it seemed like Enjolras was drifting Tairre brought up a random, sometime bullshit topic that the two debated over.

\--

“Ding dong!” Came Courf’s tell-tale call through the door followed by the actual doorbell. Enjolras, who was in the middle of putting his notebook into his bag rolled his eyes but smiled a little to himself. “I know you have a key” Enjolras called back.

         Soon there was a click and Ferre and Courf walked through the door. “Yes, but it’s so much more fun when you open it” Courf explained dramatically. Taire walked in from Enj’s room where he had been previously gathering his jacket. “Ah, the cavalry has arrived I see.”

         “I wanted to chat with you before rehearsal about some ideas I had for the music top of show” Ferre explained to Enjolras, who had fully put on his coat and bag.

         “And of course to check in you two love birds.” Courf added, a shit eating grin stretching across his face.

         “I think boyfriends is the more appropriate term” Enjolras corrected quietly, an ungodly smugness in his smile as he saw Courf’s jaw drop.

         “Already?” Ferre asked, “I thought it would take you two idiots at least a week” he teased, scuffling Enjolras’ hair with a fond look of affection on his face. And wow, Ferre may be the one person on earth who can do that and not only make Enjolras smile but retain their hand.

         “Shall we be off then?” Taire interjected, walking towards the door.

The group started out, Enjolras last to lock up. Enjolras and Ferre had a quicker, more efficient, pace so they walked a good 5 feet in front of Taire and Courf.

         When Ferre judged that they had enough distance between them, he gently started with “I’m proud of you.”

         “Yeah?”

         “Doing something for yourself. Realizing something and manifesting it without it freaking you out? Pretty big.”

         “Thanks.” Enjolras responded, feeling a little warmth in his chest at the compliment. “Taire told you I had a nightmare didn’t he?”

         Ferre nodded, knowing there was no point in feigning the contrary. “He was worried. You locked yourself in the bathroom?”

         “I didn’t do anything.”

         “Do you want to talk about it?”

         “You’ve heard it before. And now I just feel...off. Out of control” he whispered, looking down at his feet as they walked.

         “Food?”

         “I feel his hands, Ferre.”

         “They’re not there. I have a croissant for you in my bag, please?”

         “At rehearsal.”

         “Of course.”

         “Thank you, Ferre.”

         “Always” he smiled, pulling Enjolras in for a half hug. Enjolras wrapped his arm around Ferre and well, and they walked like that arm in arm.

         Taire couldn’t help but smile at seeing the two best friends walk with their arms around each other from where he and Courf were. “He’s lucky to have you two” Taire commented, warmly.

         “We’re lucky to have him.” Courf agreed, his voice conveying a layered meaning. “How was he?”

         “This morning? Strange.”

         “Bad?”

         “Not great.”

         “Sure.”

A silence passed between which was highly uncharacteristic for them, especially Courf.

         “Are you okay or-?” Taire started, feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

         “Listen, I’m going to be serious for a moment and you’re going to let me because Taire you know I love you but if you fuck with Enjolras, if you stop him in his healing process or do anything to fuck him over, you will be sorry.” Courf warned, his voice startlingly low and powerful. Taire had always assumed that Ferre is the silent but deadly one but when Courf wanted to he could apparently be terrifying. “He’s been through so much shit and I think this could be really good for him. He’s waited a long time for this. He deserves something good in his life. You take advantage of him, I kill you. Understand?” Courf pressed, his usually kind eyes piercing into Taire’s.

Taire nodded his head quickly, “yeah, yeah of course. You know how much I care about him. I want him to be happy, above all. Seriously, the fact that we can even hold a civil conversation now is more than enough for me.”

Courf regarded him a moment before his steely, frankly terrifying, demeanor rescinded, seeming to go back somewhere deep inside of him.  “Good. Because it’s been a long time coming.”

“Four years” he agreed, meekly. “So,” Taire started desperately wanting to lighten the mood, “how are you and Ferre?”

Courf’s previously stern face melted into a beautiful smile, warmth seeping out. “He’s truly amazing. Did you know he can cook? The best pasta I’ve ever had. Of course, I still argue my homemade pizza’s better but hey.”

“Honestly, I didn’t know either of you could cook.”

“When you live with Enjolras for three years, you learn to pick up the slack. The guy can’t cook.”

“His one mortal flaw” agreed Taire, laughing. “I’m really glad for you though. How long have you been a thing again?”

“Almost two years in May.” Courf smiled, more to himself than Taire. “God, I really love him” Courf whispered, looking ahead at Ferre.

“Me too” Taire added quietly, looking ahead at where the two were walking. “Me too.”


	15. Focus.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras arrives at rehearsal in a panic, or something he can never be sure. Luckily, Taire knows just how to make him focus. 
> 
> TW: for mentions/descriptions of panic & dissociation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note! A lot of this is pulled from my own experience, so if it doesn't make sense or resonate with you I'm sorry but all I can pull on is my own experience.
> 
> That being said, I'm really happy at how this chapter turned out. I think it's a really raw, intimate moment and I think it resonates really well.

Enjolras was _tired._ The tired that weighed down his eyes making them feel like they were sinking in the dark circles around his eyes. The tired that made his teeth ache and feel fuzzy even though he had brushed them twice. The particular kind of tired that clung on and seemed to be a second skin, the kind of tired that clung onto him only after a panic attack. In his opinion, the most annoying type of a panic attack. To put the body through such intense, terrifying physiological war face when all his defenses were down and confused seemed very cruel to Enjolras. Because that’s how he woke up, and he was still fighting to stuff it down. But now the panic had melded with his skin and it sprung through randomly, leaking out of him at random times that sent Enjolras into a panic. It was like a sizzling, tingling anxiety that started simmer in his gut and tingled painfully all the way up to his forehead. He almost felt nauseous because of it. The thought of food actively disgusted him, it made his panic awareness clench and his throat tighten as though he were about to be sick. What found Enjolras most annoying about this is that while his usual anxiety had a source, when he was like this it seemed to spring up at random, intense intervals.

         And of course coffee, his one true ally in this world, only made it worse as coffee made him even more anxious. It was just unfair, truly.

         Enjolras was so caught up in mind mental rampage against himself that he nearly walked into the door to the theatre, only to be caught gently by the elbow by Ferre. He blinked, clearing the thoughts from his immediate vision. “Oh...thanks, Ferre.”

         Ferre nodded in response, his face gentle but sad, as though through that one movement Ferre had read all Enjolras’ thoughts. Honestly, Enjolras wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. Ferre reached and unlocked the theatre, letting him in and holding the door open for Taire and Courf when they caught up. Courf thanked him with a surprisingly chaste, but still loving kiss.

         Enjolras had continued into the theatre, dropping his stuff in his usual place before walking back stage. Taire went to follow him but felt Ferre gently grab his arm and shook his head gently. _Right, Enj needs his own space._ Even if it was hurting Taire to let his Apollo out of his sight in such a state.

         When he turned the corner, Enjolras went behind the main curtain that covered the massive brick wall at the back of the stage. There was about three feet of space in-between the curtain and the wall, and Enjolras walked through the narrow corridor to center stage and laid down, arms and legs spread as much as possible as he look up into the marvels of the fly space.

Since the first production he had done here as a freshman, Enjolras had gone to this little spot just to breath, and breath in the theatre. When he was stressed, it helped him feel like he had a place in the world of theatre he loved so much. When he was filled with joy and warmth from opening night or a particularly good rehearsal, he would lie there and seep out gratitude, reveling in the moment. When it was the last day of tech, the last day that the show was still just theirs, or right before strike on closing night, Enjolras would come back here and say a silent thank you, and try to embed the memories into the walls.

Now was a case of finding solace. While he did not believe in organized religion, believing it to be a cult that was capitalist in nature, he did believe in connection and growth and peace. All of which he focused on, pushing out the images of the nightmare and his panic to replace them with the love and belonging this theatre and it’s wonderful people provided him with. _This is why I do this_ he thought to himself, his breath falling into rhythm, with the subtle sounds of the theatre.

He stayed like that for a while, before finally picking himself up, silently thanking the theatre as he walked back out. He felt his stomach grumble, but at the same time felt queasy at the thought of food so he stuffed it down, breathing through the nauseous anxiety that had arisen in him.

As they had arrived a half hour early, Enjolras still only saw Taire, Ferre, and Courf in the audience. Ferre seemed to be organizing his notes, with Courf hugging him from behind and kissing his neck occasionally.

Taire looked up immediately, meeting eyes with Enjolras and he could feel the worry and concern in Taire’s gaze. He looked like he wanted to go to Enjolras, but was restraining himself. Enjolras took the decision away and went to Taire, perching on the top of the seat with his feet on the arm rests.

“Hey”

“Hey” Enjolras responded quietly. “Thank you for spending the night.”

A genuine smile spread across Taire’s face, “thank you for wanting me too.”

In Enjolras’ numbing inner concoction of panic, nausea, hunger, and exhaustion, he briefly wondered if just getting off with Taire, kissing him at least, would make any of this go away. But then his stomach lurch at the thought of movement, however he grew the tiniest aroused at the thought. _Why the fuck not?_

Enjolras gently placed a hand in Taire’s curls before leaning in and kissing him intently. It wasn’t the most sultry of kisses, but it definitely wasn’t chaste. Taire, for his part, seemed surprised at first but then happily gave in and kissed Enjolras back. In that moment, all Enjolras wanted was Taire to feel him on him, _in_ him. To take him roughly because then maybe he could focus on _something_ besides this _endless panic-_

 _“Enj”_ Taire’s voice cut through the thoughts and Enjolras realized that he was a few centimeter’s away from Taire’s face completely spaced out. “Sorry...I just feel...”

“Weird?”

“Yeah.”

And there it was, a rare moment that Enjolras seemed to land back and it was thought the focus was turned up on his surroundings. He leaned forward to kiss Taire again, registering that it felt good, registering his hand in Taire’s hand.

“What can I do for you?” Taire asked gently, kissing Enjolras with such a tenderness that he hoped would register as ‘I’ve got you’.

“I don’t know. I never know what to do when I’m...like this.”

“Like what?”

“Panicked? Dissociated? Swirled? Nauseous?”

“You feel sick?”

Enjolras began to shake his head but then nodded. “I’m hungry one moment but then I feel so horribly sick. You know pop rocks? It’s like they’re randomly set off in my diaphragm and-“ he cut off, feeling very detached from the words be was saying mentally but physically his throat constricted. He took a breath, focusing on letting his stomach unclench before he felt safe taking again. “Eating only makes it worse” he added, incase Taire tried anything.

Taire only nodded quietly, taking all of what Enjolras was saying in. He gently pressed a hand onto Enjolras shoulder, _I can barely feel it_ realized Enjolras. Taire gently squeezed his shoulder and as the pressure increased, the numbness stayed the same but Enjolras was able to hone in the feeling. Taire’s eyes met Enjolras, looking for confirmation. Enjolras looked back with a vulnerable curiosity, reaching for Taire’s hands and putting them on his body.

Taire took the hint, pressing one onto the middle of Enjolras’ chest, where his heart was. Enjolras tried to focus on that point, on the exact point where his body was met with Taire’s. Taire kept steady pressure with his left hand on Enjolras’ chest and put the other so it was framing the right side of Enjolras’ ear, his thumb delicately brushing his temple and the rest of Taire’s fingers finding a grip in Enjolras’ curls. He didn’t pull exactly, but collected as much of Enjolras that he could and held it there.

Enjolras closed his eyes, relaxing into focusing only on the points where Taire’s body met his. Slowly, the focus that required a lot of effort and still felt fuzzy and detached melted into this relaxing, soft focus. His breath mirrored, filling up most of his body as opposed to being constricted in his chest.

Neither was sure of how long they stood there, hands on heart and in hair, but eventually Enjolras opened his eyes and saw Taire’s gentle green ones looking openly into his. Enjolras smiled softly, taking a deep breath and felt Taire do the same. Enjolras took a step closer, more into Taire’s space and wrapped his arms around Taire, holding himself as close as possible to Taire, deep breaths flowing through both of their bodies as Taire supported Enjolras, hands tightly wrapped around Enjolras’ middle. Silence. Peace. At least for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, I'm really curious on your thoughts. Did this resonate with you? Did you think it was accurate? Did it make you feel something? Thank you!!


	16. Panic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW! Graphic panic attack descriptions!!  
> \--  
> Enjolras tries to run a rehearsal, and he does. Mostly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's just sad guys. A bit of an intense read but it's coming from a very honest place and I think adds dimension and realness to the characters. Sometimes its comforting to read things that you experience and know that you're not alone in them.

Eventually, after Courf had taken quite possibly the most adorable couple photos ever (unbeknownst to Enjolras and Grantaire), the two had to separate as actors were starting to file into the theater. Enjolras did look calmer, of course he still had the dark circles under his eyes but his face no longer looked slightly green or his demeanor concave.

         Any physical signs that of Enjolras continuous panic seemingly vanished once he started rehearsal. Taire wasn’t surprised per say but still highly impressed at how much Enjolras transformed into a fully committed, present theatre artist that seemed immortal, untouchable. It seemed to be automatic. Even if Enjolras was numb to the world, his brain swimming with what seemed like a hectic, twine tornado directing, _creating_ seemed to be second nature to him, as though it stemmed from a different plane of consciousness.

         They started the rehearsal off with running through act 1 and while it was bumpy, everyone still applauded because they were at least two days ahead of schedule. All the actor’s were tired, as it was the end of the week, but all just as enthusiastic as ever. Of course, Courf was like the energizer bunny and kept everyone going.

         Enjolras had caved, accepting Joly’s offer to do a coffee run. If his hand was shaking as he held the notebook, Enjolras didn’t mention it and no one else dared. Enjolras put his notebook down at the end of stage, where he stood behind it, writing down something furiously.

         Taire, while of course taking notes, kept a very close eye on Enjolras. His hands itched in his lap to do _anything_. Take Enj’s hand, kiss his forehead, _anything_ that might help alleviate whatever was swarming around in Enjolras’ head. Ferre looked very similar, perched on the edge of his seat. Taire periodically exchanged glances with Ferre and Courf, as though silently they were coming up with a crash plan.

         “And that’s another fifteen!” Cosset’s voice rang out through the theatre. “Thank you fifteen” was echoed by everyone, the actors marking little notes in their scripts before going into the audience. Courf walked down the steps, going directly to Ferre’s side and pulled him into a tight hug, making sure to press many adoring kisses to the composer’s forehead a well as lips. “He’ll be okay. Worry about yourself too, yeah?” Courf whispered softly into Ferre’s hair. Ferre nodded slightly, closing his eyes and letting Courf hold him for a moment.

         Enjolras hadn’t moved, writing something down. But his hand was slower than before, as though it wasn’t getting as clear signals from his brain. Enjolras wanted to stay in that realm, that ‘other’ plane that he entered when focusing solely on theatre. When he finally gave in, looking up and turning around immediately Ep and James approached him.

         “Hey” began Ep.

         “We had an idea for the Czar’s entrance” continued James.

From Taire’s view, Ep and James were standing way too close to Enjolras, talking way too admately. The protectiveness in Taire sprung to life, feeling his chest tighten with worry. He stood up, debating whether inserting himself would Enjolras feel better or more overwhelmed.

         Enjolras was holding a perfectly normal, easy conversation. While that strange detachment remained, he could focus and respond normally. The swirling wasn’t gripping him, his mind able to form intelligent responses and wow, maybe he’ll be okay.

         Eventually, the circle opened up as Ferre, Courf, and basically most of the company joined. Taire himself had joined the conversation, but was more concerned on keeping an eye on Enjolras, who was on the other side of the circle, than participating.

         Enjolras was leaning casually against the stage, listening to the conversation flow around him. Suddenly, the compressed but relatively stilled panic that was painted into Enjolras’ skin contracted. It felt as though panic, pure nauseating, dizzying, clenching panic reached in with its goopy fingers and squished Enjolras’ stomach, his entire core. It’s similar to the pain that bordered on nausea one would feel if they were too hungry but ramped up. It felt as though that feeling had turned into a lead, sinking black hole in his core. The room was suddenly tilted, different parts of the room spinning at different ways, at different rates. The top of his head felt nonexistent, and that his brain was spinning rapidly in one direction as the bottom half of his head sank down into the tumultuous pit of nausea in his stomach. His consciousness went from normal projected into far, far back into his skull.

         With everything churning around him and a nauseating pit clenching in his stomach, Enjolras felt his throat tighten. Tighten and then become infected with the same green, painful nausea that had forged a pathway from his stomach to his throat. Suddenly, his mouth was too big, too gooey. He felt his stomach heave, and either panic or stomach acid lapped against his throat.

         _Just breath. It will go away jus­t­-_ Enjolras tried to think amongst the haze of everything spinning. He coughed, a deep, almost disgusting cough to try and keep his stomach at bay. After a few moments and panic of _you’re sick you’re sick you’re sick_ because _nothing_ freaked Enjolras out like being sick, he rose from his perch.

         “I’ll be right back” he mutter, not quite being able to stand up straight as the nausea that weighed in his stomach seemed to solidify and pull him into him self.

         Enjolras walked hurriedly backstage to the bathrooms, fighting the instinct to gag as he did. Again, he couldn’t tell exactly what he was keeping down just that it was threatening to over take him.

         Once he shut himself in the stall, the spinning only got worse. Every point on his head seemed to spiral in a different direction and he gagged, falling to his knees. It was too much. His vision ebbed between dark and dizziness as he heard himself retch, disgusted at the sound of wet coughs that just made his stomach clench more.

         Black. It was black and it felt like he was falling. Slowly, Enjolras opened his eyes. _Did I pass out?_ He wasn’t sure. His stomach still clenched and he still retched a little but he noticed that it was empty, as it always was. So he sat there, black fading in and then rescinding again and again, accompanied only by the sound of his own retching and gagging of nothing, that slowly transitioned back to a guttural cough.

         Taire opened the bathroom door. He had chased after Enjolras, after seeing all color drain from Enjolras’ face. When Taier had arrived at the bathroom door he heard retching. Then a thump. That’s when Taire had ran in, seeing Enjolras doubled over himself and kneel, but far too quickly to be natural, against the stall. He rushed over, pulling Enjolras into his arms, holding the man close as Enjolras’ body contracted, the tension working through Enjolras’ body.

         Time didn’t seem to exist there, to either of them. Distantly, Enjolras was aware that he was being held. But all he could do was slump against whatever warm body was holding him, his legs stretched across the bathroom floor. Taire kept an arm wrapped around Enjolras’ front, the other hand wrapped around the top of his chest, hand curling up and holding Enjolras’ forehead to stop his head from flying forward if he coughed violently.

         No, time didn’t exist there. After a while, Enjolras could finally discern between having his eyes open and shut. The spinning lessened quickly, as though someone had unplugged the stopper to a sink. Bit by bit, his surroundings presented themselves to him, last but not least the position and feeling of his own body. Then the feeling of a body holding his. A hand wrapped securely around his waist, a hand stroking gently through his hair, and his back pressed into a firm chest. His head, Enjolras discovered, was leaned back against said body. He chanced a look upward and saw the face of Grantaire.

         Taire, for his part, looked pale, considerably paler than the tan artist would ever naturally be. His eyes looked red, and a wet trail of a few tears were reminiscent on his cheeks. Green eyes looked down looking scared and wild. It was silent for a moment, neither of them knowing what to say.

         “It happens” Enjolras decided on eventually, voice coming out far too pinched, too tight and too quiet for his liking.

         Taire let out a laugh that sounded more like a cry. “I’m so sorry, Enj...”He whispered into Enjolras’ hair.

         “Not your fault.”

         “You scared me. Enjolras you _passed out_.”

         “Not fully. At least I don’t think.”

         “What?!”

         “I don’t know.” Enjolras admitted, his facilities returning to him.

         “ _You don’t kno-_ “ Taire cut himself off before he began to cry because that’s just not what Enjolras needed right now. “Can you stand up?”

         Enjolras considered, before nodding. Taire helped him up, supporting him so much that Enjolras didn’t stand so much as Taire lifted him. Even when standing, Taire kept two arms securely on Enjolras, just incase.

         “I’m better now.”

         “What _was_ that?”

         “I don’t know. It happens. Sometimes.” Enjolras dismissed, trying to feign casualness but tears pricked his voice.

         Taire kissed Enjolras’ cheek gently, “You’re going to bed. Home. Now.”

         “No-“

         “Enjolras don’t even-“

         “I’m _fine now­-“_

 _“_ Yeah? Stand up on your own then.”

         “I’m not a cripple-“

         “No, you’re just exhausted and _fucking passed out-“_

_“Not completely-“_

_“Enjolras-“_

_“No._ I am staying here. I’m working.” He insisted, voice empty but determined just the same. Enjolras turned, walking out of Taire’s hold, out of the bathroom, back out onto stage where he decidedly did not meet Ferre’s gaze.

         “Right, sorry. Shall we-“

         “Excuse me.” Eponine’s voice cut through. She stood in front of the small gaggle of actors. “I know we still have an hour left but frankly Enj, we’re exhausted. With all respect, do you think we could leave a little early?”

         “We are two days ahead of schedule.” Cosset pipped in, earning nods from the rest of the group.

         “They do need their rest.” Ferre’s voice chimed in, his gaze cast very pointedly at Enjolras who looked extremely pensive. He worried his lip between his teeth before sighing. “You all have worked hard, and I deeply appreciate it. Enjoy your weekend, and I’ll see you all on Monday.”

         Taire let out a breathe and he saw basically the entire cast and crew do the same. Enjolras watched them pack up, having casual conversation with each other before exiting together, an oddity as people usually liked to hang around a little at the end.

         Enjolras descended the steps, looking close to stone and walked up to Ferre. “Your idea?”

         “Courf’s.” Ferre corrected, not intimidated by Enjolras’ quiet tone. Enjolras nodded noncomimittedly because as much as it truly pained him to end a rehearsal early because he wan incompetent, he was _so tired_. Ferre stepped forward, pulling Enjolras into a hug and for the first time today he let himself _breathe._ After a moment, Ferre stepped back and Courf slung an arm Enj. “We are two days ahead of schedule.”

         “You all are working really hard.” Agreed Enjolras, smiling slightly.

         “We are _all_ working really hard” corrected Courf. “Now, Taire’s going to take you home, Ferre and I are going to get you some soup, drop it off, and then you’re gonna go to sleep. Deal?” He asked in a tone that made it very clear it wasn’t a question. Having really no other option, Enjolras nodded his head in agreement.

         “Good.” Courf confirmed, kissing Enjolras on the forehead, “see you soon.” And with that and a wave to Taire, the two exited with Courf’s arm around Ferre. Enjolras watched them go, feeling much quieter than before. _Quiet? Hmm_ He turned around and saw Taire sitting on the edge of the theatre, just watching Enjolras with a still fairly traumatized stare. His dark curls covered the top half of his eyes, his head resting in his hands. Enjolras took a breath and walked over to him, Taire’s eyes tracking him the whole way.

         “May I sit her?” He asked gently, Taire’s eyes never leaving Enjolras. The brunette nodded minutely so Enjolras sat, leaving a respectable half foot between them.

         “Is it always that bad?” Taire asked quietly, eyes looking down at his own hands.

         “Not always. Not to that extreme anyway.”

         A pause. “Was it that bad the other day? At the Musain?”

         Held breath. Regretfully, Enjolras nodded his head and Taire felt a spear of self hatred shoot through him. Enjolras scooted so his leg was pressed against Taire’s and he took his hand in his own. “But it’s not your fault, okay? It’s not. Taire, _Grantaire_ look at me. Please?” He did. “I’m okay. My brain does weird things sometimes. A lot of the time what...sets it off is something small, nothing. It’s just-“

         “You..you looked so _small_ I was so scare-Enjolras you were _unconscious_ and I- I couldn’t help-“ Taire rambled, tears pooling in his eyes. Enjolras immediately reached over and hugged Taire tightly to him, whispering “I’m okay” over and over softly, rubbing his back. It took a moment, but eventually Taire’s breathing regulated and he reached up to wipe his eyes. Enjolras pulled back, keeping an arm wrapped around Taire who laughed quietly.

         “Shit sorry I...” he took a breath. “I’m surprised you didn’t fight Ep.”

         “I almost did but...” Enjolras shrugged.

         “But?”

         “Will you take me home?” Enjolras asked quietly, burying his face in R’s shoulder. Taire kissed the top of his head, wrapping his arms around Enjolras and holding him tightly to him.

         “Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be fluff! I promise!!!


	17. Rest, Relax, Repeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy night of cuddles, ice cream, friends and Star Wars

“You don’t have _ice cream_?” Taire demanded, standing in mock outrage in Enjolras’ kitchen. Both of them now in sweatpants with the opening title to the next _Star Wars_ movie paused on the screen.

         “I don’t have a big sweet tooth.” Enjolras shrugged from his perch on the couch.

         “Aw but you’re so _sweet_ ” Taire teased in a highly ridiculous voice, walking over to Enjolras and kissing him deeply. “Tooth-rottingly sweet.”

         Enjolras hummed and kissed back, weaving his long fingers into Taire’s hair to keep him close. “Then what do you need ice cream for?” He teased, breaking off a little to kiss down Taire’s jawline, smirking when he heard the dancer’s breath hitch.

         “Mmm good question.” Taire agreed breathlessly, sitting down on the couch and pulling Enjolras onto his lap. When they had first gotten back to Enjolras’ flat, Taire was very careful around Enj but quickly learned that almost nothing pissed off Enjolras more. Apparently, acting normally was really what Enjolras wanted, need. Well, than again normal is a relative term because Taire still wasn’t convinced this was real life. Real life, with a perfectly content Enjolras in his lap but Taire couldn’t really complain. ‘ _You take advantage of him, I kill you’_ Courf’s warning rang through his head. And he wouldn’t, Taire would _never_.

         Enjolras went willingly, sinking onto Taire’s lap with his lips never leaving Taire’s. He kissed Taire with such ease, like he could breathe again. Like all the gut wrenching, constricting panic of the day had finally drained from him and this was his celebration.

Enjolras celebrated with his tongue, prompting every inch of Taire’s mouth to join him. He coaxed Taire with his lips, pressing and biting at them, responding to the very eager manner which Taire pressed back. Enjolras freed himself through his hips, grinding them in a rhythm like a dance, a sensual dance that only Taire could partner.

Strong, affirming hands held onto Enjolras’ waist, teasingly lingering down to his ass. Enjolras smirked against Taire’s skin, before biting it to show his approval of Taire’s movements. They continued like that, fierce kissing matched with taunting touch, until both simply rested against each other. Enjolras sat on Taire’s lap, leaning forward into Taire’s embrace. The dancer played with Enjolras’ hair gently, kissing his forehead now and again or at least what he could reach of it.

Enjolras was lulled into a state similar to sleep, but with more consciousness to it. He only arose from this state when there was a knock at the door, Ferre and Courf no doubt. “Hmmmm” Enj grumbled sleepily, nuzzling more into Taire’s chest. He felt the vibrations of Taire’s laughter before the dancer replied, “Soup delivery probably.”

“They have a key” the director mumbled back, not stirring.

“Maybe they do but I’m pretty sure they’ll kill me if I don’t open the door so-“ Taire explained, securing his hands around Enjolras’ before standing up, taking the blonde with him. _He’s so light_ thought Taire absent mindedly, before gently setting Enjolras down on the couch.

Having disposed of the slowly waking up blonde, Taire hurried over to the door and opened it. On the other side of the door stood Courf and Ferre, holding a paper bag.

“How is he?” asked Ferre in lieu of greeting, while Courf waved with a smile before walking inside, past Taire.

“Better. He’s falling asleep now.”

         Ferre nodded as if in approval and Taire let out of breath because maybe Ferre won’t take his head off today. Taire stepped back, fully opening the door as if this were his flat to do that. Ferre stepped in and shut the door behind him.

         On the couch, Enjolras was sitting up wrapped in a blanket with Courf sitting next to him, cross legged on the couch.         

         _“Star Wars?”_ Courf asked incredulously, “I never thought I’d see the day.” This earned him an eye roll from Enj, but it was one filled with love. “Here,” Courf began, thrusting the paper bag into Enjolras’ hands. “Soup and bread. Tomato. You’re eating it all.” In his tone there was that hint of the terrifyingly stern voice he had used on Taire earlier, so Enjolras didn’t protest, just sat up a little bit more to hold the soup without spilling it.

         “I’ll get you a spoon” Taire volunteered, walking into the open plan kitchen, with only the breakfast bar separating him from the watchful eye of Ferre and Courf it wasn’t must, but at least Taire could give Enj some space with his two best friends. When Taire turned back, he saw Enjolras sitting in-between the two, soup in hand and reluctant smile on his face.

         Taire walked back in handing Enjolras the spoon like he was brandishing a sword. “Are you gentle man joining us for this evening?”

         Ferre looked at Courf who nodded, “if we aren’t intruding. I haven’t seen this one in _ages_ and Ferre hasn’t seen them at all.”

         _“What?!”_ Taire asked, shocked that Ferre of all people hadn’t seen one of

the biggest sci-fi movie chains in cinematic history.  

         Ferre just shrugged, “I’m more into _Star Trek_ personally.”

And that’s how the evening was. Sarcastic remarks flew from Courf and Taire,

their banter always complimenting, never competing. Ferre looked far too

serious the entire film, quickly engrossed. Enjolras could hear him

muttering analysis of the film and parallels to actual history but he didn’t mind. It

was all so normal. And that provided the peace and quiet he had been craving

the entire time.

He looked over to Taire who was sitting in an arm chair next to

Courf every so often, their eyes always meeting in a way that gave him a feeling

of such deep connection, a sense of landing. To Enjolras, the look said ‘I’m still

here for you, still paying attention. You’re still important to me even if I’m

currently looking at something else’. He would give a small smile, sometimes only

with his eyes but he knew Taire got his message of ‘I’m grateful for you’ anyway.

                  Surprisingly, everyone stayed awake for the entire movie, despite the collective weariness from the day. They group talked for a little after the movie but soon Ferre got up, holding his hand out for Courf to do the same. The pair stood, pulling on their jackets.

                  “Please sleep, Enjy. Rehearsal was really good this week, yeah? You can take a small break” prompted Courf, kissing the top of Enjolras’ head.

         “Yeah, yeah I will.” He agreed, the weariness obvious in his voice.

         “No texting me about _Vera_ things until at least three tomorrow, okay?” Ferre asked, wrapping a scarf around his neck. Soon the pair left, making Enjolras promise several times that he would actually go to sleep.

         Now it was just two, and a quiet settled comfortably over the room. After a moment, Taire got up from his place in the arm chair and sat next to Enjolras, who was curled into the side of the couch, blanket wrapped around him. After a few moments in comfortable, sleepy silence Enjolras extended his hand to Taire who took it quickly, squeezing it lightly.

         “Hey” Taire whispered in a quiet voice. “Mmmm hi” came Enjolras’ reply, “are you staying?”

         Taire shook his head, lifting Enjolras’ hand up to his and kissing it, “you need sleep.”

         “I can sleep with you here” he protested, because goddamnit that’s all Enjolras does.

         “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

         “Yeah?”  
         “I would love the chance to take you out on a proper date, if you’d want to.”

         “I’d love that” Enjolras replied, the warmth in his heart heating his smile.

         “Me too” Taire replied earnestly, his chest fluttering at how openly happy Enjolras looked at the thought. “Now go to sleep, okay?”

         “Deal” came the sleepy, but content reply.

\--

         They stood in the doorway, Taire’s arms around Enjolras’ waist as he pressed one last kiss into his lover’s lips. “I’ll see you soon, Enjolras. Goodnight.”

One last kiss. “Goodnight, Grantaire.”


	18. Under the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night. What could go wrong? (or right)

It was precisely 7:03 on a Saturday night and Taire was regretting almost all of his life decisions. He was stood outside Enjolras’ door, lilacs in hand, leather jacket constricting his shoulders, and heart pounding unreasonably in his chest. Oh, and Enjolras didn’t know he was here. Taire only knew the blond was awake because he had texted him a bullshit question just to see.

         Technically, Taire had planned to be here at 7:30 but 7:03 was basically the same right? Sure. Deep breath. _It’s literally just a walk. You’ve gone for a walk before just knock on the bloody door._ Another deep breath. And he did.

         Two short, but what Taire hoped was friendly knocks sounded on Enjolras’ door. Pause. It was definitely just a minute but to Taire it felt like several lifetimes before the door opened and there stood Enjolras, looking surprised in his overly large sweater. _Fuck that’s unfair_ , Taire thinks, gazing wide eyed up and down Enjolras before his mind’s caught up with the situation. When he looked up, Taire meets Enjolras’ still surprised but definitely smug expression, the corner of his mouth quirked up accompanied by a raised eye brow. It was then it occurred to Taire that he still hadn’t said anything. Right.

         “Hey” Taire stuttered out, going for casual but failing miserably. This only deepened the smug smile carved into Enjolras’ face.

         “Hi” the blonde responded, eye brow still raised expectantly. “Do we have plans I forgot about or-?”

         “We do. Or well, I’d like to. What I mean is- will you go on a date with me?”

         “Now?”

         Taire nodded, this time his eyes playfully dancing across Enjolras’ body. “Just as soon as you put on some pants.”

         “Where are we going?” Enjolras asked, hands subconsciously fiddling with the hem of his sweater sleeve.

         “Just for a walk, a nice dinner. Not like super fancy as you can tell-“ he gestured to himself, “nothing too fancy but hopefully nice.”

         “I think you look nice” Enjolras complimented softly, stepping back to let Taire into his apartment, shutting the door against the cool winter air after they had stepped in.

         Taire ignored the blush in his cheeks, opting instead to reach into the inside breast pocket of his jacket and pull out a green rose, handing it to Enjolras. “And, uh here. You know the whole first date flowers thing. Except I was worried that would be too cheesy, so I got you a green one because Oscar Wilde basically started it- gay men would wear green, green flowers to show that they were- of course you’d know that- and I’m sorry it’s just one, I thought if you wanted when it dies you could make it into a pin- only if you wanted, I brought you a safety pin just in case-“ only to be cut off by Enjolras’ warm lips pressed gently against his own and _fuck if that didn’t feel like coming home_.

         Taire kissed him back softly, cherishing the feeling of being this close to Enjolras. When they parted, Enjolras kept his face close to Taire’s, blue eyes burning into his own. “Thank you. That’s really thoughtful” he whispered, reaching out to take the flower from Taire’s hand, smiling when their hands brushed.

         “Yeah, no problem. I couldn’t figure out if you were a roses type of guy but you are an Oscar Wilde guy so” he shrugged, kissing Enjolras’ hand that held the flower for good measure, causing Enjolras to smile softly.

         “Let me get changed then.” He said softly, slowly taking his hand out of Taire’s. “Casual?”

         “Apollo, you look good in anything” Taire shook his head endearingly, “but yeah, casual. Jeans and jacket, or something like that.”

         “Enjolras, not Apollo” is all the blonde retorts before turning and disappearing into his room. Taire let a breath, allowing his eyes to close for a moment and recollect his thoughts. _It hadn’t gone horribly. Nice_. When Taire opened his eyes, he glanced around the living room, making a little note of the blanket discarded on the couch, mug on the table, and script nowhere in sight. Satisfied with the information that Enjolras probably had been relaxing, he glanced over at Enjolras’ room and his breath caught.

         Enjolras, in all his devious glory, had left the door to his room open and was currently standing only in his black boxers that cut mesmerizingly against his stark pale skin. This was the first time Taire had seen Enjolras without a shirt. Of course he had the blissful memory of stroking his Apollo into climactic bliss, but both of them had still been wearing shirts. This, for some reason felt way more private, more intamite. He let his eyes roam over the director’s thin torso. The lines very pronounced as they carved through his chest, stomach and abdomen. It’s not that Enjolras had a six pack or anything but rather the skin was stretched tightly against whatever body mass he had. And it wasn’t much, Enjolras was _thin_. Not skeleton looking thin, or nearly as thin as Taire imagined he did months ago when his ED was at its peak. Not thin enough for Taire to immediately call for help, just a sleek, slender line that allowed every pose Enjolras settled in look like a goddamn portrait. The movements of Enjolras putting on a dress shirt felt like a dance, while watching Enjolras tug on his skinny jeans felt like a private performance.

         “Is this okay?” Enjolras asked, suddenly back in front of Taire who had completely gone to a totally different plane of existence. The dancer could only nod, mouth open slightly and green eyes looking so openly into Enj’s with such fondness that Enjolras looked almost startled. Dismissing words, Taire gently placed his left hand on Enjolras’ face, gently tracing the check bone before gently brushing his fingers down and grabbing a hold of Enjolras’ neck, tugging him forward so Enjolras’ lips met Taire’s loving ones.

“So much more than okay.” Taire assured, once they had pulled apart. “You’re beautiful, Enjolras” he added in a whisper, almost in awe. Enjolras’ face was painted red, disbelief in his eyes as they met Taire’s intense gaze. He only shrugged, but couldn’t help but lean forward again and capture Taire’s lips in his own, a silent thank you.

Taire pulled back after only a moment, kissing Enjolras’ cheek before stepping back. “If we don’t go now I don’t know if we’ll make it out of his house” he teased, “ready?” Enjolras took Taire’s extended hand in his own, walking out the front door and locking it up behind them. Thankfully, while the winter was still cold it wasn’t unbearably so. There wasn’t wind to bite through their jackets, and Enjolras felt a warmth in his chest from their conjoined hands.

         When they first left the house, it had been in a nice, peaceful silence. Now, approximately two minutes into their stroll Taire wasn’t sure when it switched from being comfortable to awkward. So with a cough way too forced to be casual, Taire asked “what did you do today? Nothing productive I hope.”

         A playful eye roll greeted him, “nothing. I was tempted to watch the next _Star Wars_ but I figured you needed to be there so” Enjolras shrugged, “I just re-watched _A Very British Scandal_.”

         “I knew you’d love it” Taire boasted, squeezing Enj’s hand lightly. “And you’re right, I _do_ need to be there. Luckily for you I’m completely free after dinner.”

         “Lucky me” Enjolras grinned, trying for sarcasm but was cut with fondness. It was silent for another few moments filled only with their footsteps before Enjolras spoke up again, “what did you do today?”

         Taire shrugged, “nothing too exciting. Did my laundry, finally. Umm I played Jehan in Mario Cart but they’re awful at it so...wasn’t much of a challenge but certainly entertaining.”

         “I can imagine.”

         “What time did you go to sleep last night?”

         “Right after you left.”

         “Hmm good. And what time did you wake up?”

         “Around 9. I tried to go back to sleep I really did but” Enjolras shrugged, “I read instead. Made myself some breakfast, well cereal eventually.”

         “Some organic, hippie-dippie shit I assume?”

         “Cinnamon Toast Crunch.”

         “The mighty Apollo lowered to commercial brand, sugar breakfast cereals?”

         “I have a sweet tooth.”

         Taire couldn’t help the fond smile that spread across his face, he just couldn’t. “I know” he replied but continued when Enjolras gave him a look that read as ‘you do?’. “Your coffee may not be sugary but basically every meal I see you with is.”

         “Not _every_ meal” he protested. “You know I can’t cook and ice cream’s _right there_ -“

         “So is a microwave meal, Enj.”

         “That’s not nearly the same thing.”

         “Yes it is, actually no it’s better because it’s an actual _meal-“_

“Deserts are just as filling, they’re just a different type-“

         “Different type? Sugar burns off in like twenty minutes, you know that right?”

         “Baked goods aren’t _all_ sugar-“

         “No, just mostly. And you know what also has a shit ton of sugar? Microwaved food so-“

         “ _So_ if I’m going to ingest copious amounts of sugar it should be at least be in something I enjoy-“

         “Oh _please_ Enjolras you haven’t ingested copious amounts of anything-“ Taire stopped immediately, feeling Enjolras tense more than their small bickering would warrant. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid_. “Enj, I’m so sorry-“

         “It’s fine.” He responded, his voice previously sparked with passion of debate now carefully neutral. The hand that had been in Taire’s suddenly made it’s escape to run itself through Enjolras’ hair then tucked away in Enjolras’ pocket.

         “No, no it’s not Enjolras. I wasn’t thinking-I didn’t even mean it like that, it was more a jab at drinking, because you’re such a lightweight- _fuck_ , sorry but you know, you don’t really drink something I’ve always teased you about because you know, I’m a dick. So it was more, way more, a reference to that. Because ‘copious’ is- you know you usually associate it with alcohol-“

         “I know.” Came Enjolras’ steady reply and it was so earnest that Taire couldn’t help but believe him a little. “I know you didn’t mean it in a...in reference to my...problem” he winced at his own wording, “Just...talking about...eating and all that stuff..it’s a gamble for me. Because it’s a...personal subject let’s say. I’m over sensitive to it...but I don’t want you walking on tip toes to avoid the subject or whatever. I’m not going to shatter over a little jab. Okay?”

         Taire nodded quickly, “yes, yes of course...you do have a massive sweet tooth though” he added, trying to make a stab at lightening the mood.

         “I do have a massive sweet tooth” Enjolras conceded, a small smile finding its way to his lips.

         “Know who else has a massive sweet tooth? Lawrence Olivier.”

         “You can’t possibly know that.”

         “Oh, don’t I Apollo?” And Taire continued, for the rest of their walk to guide their conversation away from what Enjolras needed distracting from to pure, utter, complete bullshit that was damn well entertaining.

 

 

         Only fifteen minutes later and they arrived at a very small restaurant tucked away from the main street. It had a grey stone exterior with vines growing around the exterior and an old, intricately carved wooden door that Taire pulled open, gesturing with the other. “After you” he smiled, bowing his head in jest so he missed the pink blush that warmed Enjolras’ cheeks as he tried not to smile.

         Once inside, a guy that had to be around their age in all black led them over to their table. It sat at the far corner of the room, their own little corner. The table was relatively small but neither minded, Taire pulling out Enj’s chair for him making him blush a second time before taking a seat himself.

         Once seated, the reality of the situation washed over Grantaire with a surprising amount of force. _You’re on a date with Enjolras. Enjolras. Enjolras your boyfriend_. _What. The. Fuck._ The boyfriend in question looked up, took in Taire’s vacant if not somewhat stricken look and asked softly, “Taire? Are you okay?”

         The brunette shook his head, snapping back to his thoughts. “Yes. Perfectly alright. Sorry Apollo, I just...well I can’t believe you actually let me take you on a date.”

         “Well we are dating” the blonde responded, amused.

“Yeah, that one hasn’t quite sunk in either” Taire admitted softly.

         Enjolras smiled softly and took his hand over the table, “me either. This still seems a bit surreal, doesn’t it?”

         Taire was about to respond but their waiter, a middle aged woman with black hair, approached their table. “Good afternoon and welcome to The Shelf. My name is Claudette and I will be your waitress for this evening. Can I get you anything to drink?”

         “What red wines do you have?” Enjolras asked, picking up the menu to look at it.

         “For red, I would recommend the Chateau Pontet-Canet. We havea bottle from 2014 that will pair nicely with our menu tonight.”

         “That sounds lovely. Taire?”

         “Whatever you want Apollo, I’m good with some lemon water thank you.” Taire informed the waiter who promptly left the table. Enjolras looked at Taire with a stare of confusion, recognition and then pure horror.

         “ _Oh_ , I’m so sorry- I didn’t even _think_ , it’s been three years and I- I don’t need wine it’s fine-“

         “ _Enjolras_ ” Taire cut in, squeezing his hand that he held on the table. “It’s okay. Just because I’m sober doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a drink with your meal. Believe me, I would if too if it could just be one.”

         “But isn’t being around alcohol a trigger for you?”  
         “It was. Sometimes is but I’ve gotten a pretty decent handle on it at this point.”

         Enjolras nodded, thumb gliding over the back of Taire’s held hand, “will you tell me if it’s too much for you?”

         “You don’t need to-“

         “ _Taire_ ”

         “Yeah, I will I promise.”

         “Thank you” Enjolras nodded quietly. He seemed to recede into himself for a moment, his face tightening with a look that always told Taire he was deep in thought. The silence lasted longer and Taire was about to ask what was wrong when Enjolras spoke up again in a measured, soft but sincere voice. “I don’t want you to think that I didn’t notice the efforts you made, and still make, to go sober. Of course, I’m sure we both remember how much I berated you when you were a drunk...I really hope you don’t think I was bullying you or anything like that I was just scared for you. And it pissed me off that you couldn’t see how much you were throwing away, when to me you clearly had so much to offer.”

         “Typical Enjolras, making a case out of everything” Taire teased but immediately regretted it when a dark look passed over Enjolras’ face. It was a shadow of the expression Enjolras wore before they fought.

         “You’re not one of my ‘cases’ I’ve told you a thousand times” Enjolras hissed and _no, no this is not how tonight is supposed to be going_.

         “I know that. I know that, I was teasing. I’m sorry, you were speaking very eloquently and I ruined it like I usually do. I’m sorry, I’m a dick. Please continue.” Taire cut in quickly, watching Enjolras carefully as his ace lightened with relief.

         “I just can’t stand you thinking that you’re a project to me. Because you’re so much more, you should know that by now.” Enjolras spoke, looking Taire directly in the eye despite the growing blush on his cheeks. “What I’m trying to say is that while we weren’t on the best of terms while you were really sobering up, I did notice and you know care about what you were doing and how hard it must have been so...I just don’t want you to think I’m belittling it because I saw, or at least from what I saw, I know just how intense and difficult it was for you. And while back then I couldn’t really say anything, now I can say that I’m really proud of you. I have so much respect for you and I want to continue supporting your recovery in the best way I can.”

         When Enjolras had finished his little speech, he realized that he was squeezing Taire’s hand tightly and that Taire’s eyes were now rimmed with tears, a look of soft vulnerability visible. Taire took a few breaths, maintaining eye contact and gave Enjolras a soft smile before he spoke. “I told you I’m no good with words but...thank you. I...I know that we weren’t on the best of terms when I was going through...the worst of it but part of the reason why I finally decided to sober up is because I couldn’t stand how guilty you made me feel about myself- and don’t try, it’s fine- and while I sobered up for myself, because I think that’s, for me, if the only real way to stay sober...part of the push to start was because of you. And yeah, it’ll probably be something I’ll always have to deal with but thank you. Yeah, just thank you I guess.” He rambeled off, a smile adorning his face.

         “You’re welcome. Now, what would you like to eat?”

 

 

         The evening continued from there, both of them relaxing into light conversation in contrast from the heaviness that weighed the conversation earlier. Their meal, of course, was filled with lively conversation whiched helped distract Enjolras from the meal at hand, even enjoy it, which Taire noted with pride. Then I came time to pay. Both reached for their wallets, but Taire slapped his card down first.

         “This date was my idea, I get to pay.”

         “This date was your idea, you planned it, now let me pay.”

         “Not a chance, Enjolras” tutted Taire, swipping the bill into his hand and handing it to the waiter. “Next time you can pay.” _Next time_.

         “Deal” Enjolras smirked back. _Next time_.

 

After they had paid, Enjolras leaving a generous tip, they walked back into the night streets of Paris, hand in hand. They had just passed through the gates to the park they walked through to get to the restaurant when Enjolras stopped abruptly and turned towards Taire and kissed him deeply. The dancer responded immediately, arms wrapping around Enjolras to keep him close, lips pressing hotly in Enjolras’. It seemed like half an hour, possible eternity, before they pulled back for air and Enjolras looked so deviously happy with himself Taire had to kiss him for it.

“Do you have plans?”

“What?” Taire asked, amusedly confused. “For tonight? I’m pretty open, but I could think of many things I’d like to do.” He added in a low voice, right into Enjolras’ ear, nipping his ear for good measure.

Enjolras shuddered, corner of his mouth crooking up. “Can we go to your place?”

“My place?”

“Yeah, it’s fine if you don’t want to just...well we’ve always, always I say always like it’s been more than three days, go to mine. I haven’t been to your apartment in ages.”

“It’s pretty messy” Taire started, embarrassed as he lightly ran his hands over Enjolras’ body.

“Do you have a bed?”

“Yeah.”

Enjolras leaned in, catching Taire’s mouth in a scathing kiss. “That’s all I care about right now.”


	19. Finding Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras places his trust, and even more private parts of him, in the hands of the dancer, his boyfriend. 
> 
> (Chpt. warning for smut)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back at last! This fic will continue, I promise. I'm going to be much busier these upcoming months BUT this story is both my child and my stress relief so there will be more chapters!
> 
> If you would like, please leave a comment telling me what you think! They're super encouraging!

“Wow,” Enjorlas murmured quietly, stood in the doorway to Taire’s apartment. It wasn’t messy, as the other had so adamantly tried to warn him of, it was lived in. Enjolras loved it.

         “I told you it was-“

         “I love it” he cut Taire off, stepping into the space to really take it in. The lumpy old couch that Enjolras remembered being _really_ comfortable, the record player with the copious amount of records next to it, the stacks of DVDs, the TV that was still paused on Taire and Jehan’s Wii game from earlier. All of it, Enjolras loved. It was just so Grantaire. And Jehan too, he supposed.

         “Jehan’s out tonight. They had a poetry slam” Taire informed as if reading Enjolras’ mind. The blond in turn nodded non-commitally, as though it were no big deal despite his previous statements. Enjolras walked further inside, suddenly feeling the itch, the need to do something with his hands. He walked over to the record pile, beginning to leaf through them. Taire stepped in, closing the door behind him but staying where he was.

         “What’s wrong Enj?”

         “Why do you think that?”

         “You don’t care about records.”

         Enjolras stopped his half-hearted attempts to look through the records and stood up straight. Though, when he went to speak, Enjolras found that he couldn’t quite piece the words together.

         “Enj?”

         “Yeah?”

         “I’m not gonna like- I’m not expecting anything from you tonight. Ever, I mean but you know, specifically right now” Taire started, clearly anticipating Enjolras’ thoughts. The blonde in question shook his head, taking a step towards Taire and rested his hands on Taire’s chest.

         “I know that” he replied softly. Which was true. He knew Taire would never _ever_ take advantage of him. Whether his deep dark inner thoughts believed Taire valued Enjolras beyond the physical was something else entirely but Enjolras wasn’t _technically_ lying. “I wouldn’t have come here” Enjolras added, slowly drifting his hands up and down, just lightly feeling.

         Taire, for his part, was staying still watching Enjolras carefully and attentively.

         “I want you to touch me” Enjolras whispered, reaching down and taking the artist’s hands, guiding them to a grip around Enjolras’ waist. “I just don’t know if I can...you know do it _all_ tonight. There’s...there’s a history. But I want this Taire. I want you.”

         With that, Enjolras leaned forward, using his body to press Taire into the door. From chest down, their bodies were flush against each other, pressed forward into each other. The hands Taire had around Enjolras’ waist tightened, pulling Enjolras so his hips molded against his own. Enjolras let out a soft breath at the contact and _oh it wasn’t fair how just that can be hot_. Enjolras ran his hands up Taire’s chest, pressingly lightly against his throat before softly tracing the lines of his jaw, before finally finding purchase in his hair.

         They stood there like that for a few moments, just breathing and feeling each other’s bodies. Hands on skin. Fingers in hair. Their breath filled the room and something about it was so erotic, so intimate. The moment filled the tight air in the room, feeling like nothing existed but the worlds they were finding in each other’s eyes.

         All that momentum, all that tension finally compelled Enjolras’ forward. His soft, red, _determined_   lips surging forward into Taire’s met with complete acceptance. _Eagerness._  Grantaire used his hands on Enjolras’ waist to pull him even closer, his mouth moving against Enjolras’ mouth trying to assure him with actions everything that words couldn’t. _You’re all that I need. More. More. Always more of you but only what you want to give. You’re gorgeous. Thank you. Thank you­-_ The firm wood of the door pressed against Taire’s back but he didn’t complain, fully occupied with kissing Enjolras with so much _need_ , the need to just let this beautiful man that he was _wanted_ and _enough_.

         Enjolras pressed into Taire, his own mouth tasting, exploring, marking Taire’s as his own. “ _Enjolras_ ” Taire rasped out, the word mumbled between their lips. It ran through Enjolras’ body with a shudder, causing him to roll his hips up and into Taire’s. “Fuck” Enjolras whispered, the place where their groin’s met providing glorious friction and Enjolras ground into it again and again. Taire moved his hand into Enjolras’ hair, tugging at it tightly. “Can I touch you?” he whispered into Enjolras’ ear, biting at the lobe.

         The blond nodded, focused on how their hips connected and reconnecting his lips with Taire’s. The artist’s hands found their way downward, his large hands gripping onto the beautiful ass that he had been absolutely dying to touch. He massaged the clothed fabric, pushing Enjolras’ ass forward to meet his now timed thrusts. Enjolras let out a deep moan, breaking off from Taire’s lips so bury his face in Taire’s shoulder, hips pushing back into Taire’s _beautiful_ hands.

         More. He needed _more_. Enjolras attached his lips to Taire’s hot neck, tongue teasing before attaching with his lips, enjoying when the artist’ breath caught. Enjolras tried to focus on marking the dancer, _his boyfriend_ , for his own but every time Taire snapped his hips into Enjolras’ all that the blonde could think about was the fact that Taire was essentially fucking him with his clothes on.

         With that thought, Enjolras trailed his hands, once light now teasingly determined, down Taire’s chest and settled on Taire’s belt. “Can I?” he whispered into Taire’s ear, licking where he had just left a particularly dark mark below his ear lobe.

         In response, Taire squeezed the glorious ass in his hands, letting out a deep breath. “Anything Apollo.”

         “ _Enjolras”_ the blond responded, his nimble fingers working to undo the buckle.

         “My perfect Apollo” Taire teased back, punctuating each word with a roll of his hips.

         “Enjolras” he responded coyly, just as his hand dove down under the coarse jean fabric and palmed Taire.

         Grantaire _moaned_ , bucking into Enjolras’ hand instinctively. “ _Enjolras”_ he moaned.

         A beautifully smug smirk painted Enjolras’ lips, “that’s it.”

         Taire was about to roll his eyes at that but almost had them roll back in his head when Enjolras started palming him through the annoying fabric of his underwear. There was just something so insanely _hot_ about stone cold, marble leader Apollo Enjolras whispering filthily things in his ear, writhing his ass into Taire’s own touch, and jacking Taire off. It made his knees weak and a deep, hot pool of desire spring in his lower abdomen. He needed more. _More_.

         Seeking more friction, Taire kept a firm hold of Enjolras’ ass ( _what_ ) and flipped them, pinning Enjolras against the door before continuing to grind against him.

         _This is fine. It’s fine-_ thought Enjolras who was so insanely torn between being ungodly aroused and feeling slightly trapped. _Ignore it_. He plunged his hand down Taire’s underwear, gasping at the _heat_ of Taire’s cock that he held in his hand. Enjolras began stroking best he could given the confinement of Taire’s underware, running his thumb over the head a few times, all the while doing his best to keep up with the rhythm Taire’s hips were setting.

         The dichotomy of what Enjolras was feeling right now was almost laughable. His breath quickened, by fear or arousal he wasn’t sure probably both, as everything became more and more. A hot pool of arousal boiled in his stomach but at the same time it seemed to sink. Simpler. Something simpler.

         Enjolras lifted his head off of Taire’s shoulder, kissing his way up Taire’s neck lightly before finding solace in Taire’s lips. This. This he could do. Always. They kissed and kissed and kissed. Kissed with tongue, kissed with teeth, kissed with bitten lips and swollen moans. Kissed with colors, with words, with promises all hidden inside the deep moans and desperate breaths that they shared among them.

         They kissed until Enjolras realized he had fully taken Taire out of his pants, stroking him fully. That Taire’s breath was coming really quickly. His hands shoulders, and chest all tensing up. Enjolras bit Taire’s lips, pumping his hand faster and faster. “Let me hear you.” Was all he said before sinking to his knees and without warning, without giving time for Taire to close his mouth from where it had fallen in blissed out shock, licked the head once, as if testing, before swallowing Taire whole.

         Hot. Hot. Hot. Wet mouth of _Enjolras_ was currently swallowing _all_ of his undeserving cock and Taire felt his vision start to blur. The sight alone of Enjolras on his knees before him let alone looking so masterful and dirty with _all_ of him in his mouth.

         Enjolras, for his part, focused entirely on the task at hand, each sound, especially the strangled cry Taire had first made, edging him on. The conflicted feeling he felt before forgotten, or at least very much subsided. He groaned, feeling the vibrations stir around the cock bobbing in and out of his mouth. Then he felt Taire tense so tightly then, as if someone had cut a tension line or removed a piece of a damn, suddenly his mouth was _filled_ with hot sticky cum.

         Above him, Taire’s eyes were screwed shut. Or open. He couldn’t tell. All he could see was color. Color. And Enjolras. Enjolras. Enjolras. “ _Enjolrasss-“_ he groaned sinfully into the empty apartment.

         Once Taire had stopped, Enjolras pulled back, licking once for good measure before releasing and wipping his mouth with his hand. Immediately, Enjolras was pulled up, Taire pinning him back against the door.

         Taire didn’t have words for this. Only the desire, the _need_ to show Enjolras at least close to what he made him feel. He kissed Enjolras hard, deeply for an amount of time he had no way to measure, nor cared to before dropped down on his knees.

         Now he couldn’t go _quite_ as deep, but Taire did had a skillful tongue. Enjolras watched wide eyed, legs basically trembling as he watched Taire bob on his _painfully_ hard member.

         Pressure. He felt a pressure. He looked down and saw that Taire was lightly circling a finger around his entrance. Enjolras bit his lip, distracted a fair amount by what Taire was doing with his mouth.

         “Please” Enjolras whispered, not really knowing what he was asking for. Taire, thankfully, seemed to understand as he performed his _wonderful_ tricks with his tongue and mouth even faster and suddenly all Enjolras could see was white. White. White. White and a sheet, a blade of tension fizzled through him making his toes curl and head throw back in a silent cry.

         Eventually, he felt a pair of warm, salty lips press gently across his own. He opened his eyes, seeing Taire just pull away from the kiss. “You’re so perfect Enjolras.” Taire whispered, and Enjolras wanted to shake his head but opted instead to circle his arms around Taire, pulling him into a sort of hug.

         Taire responded at once, wrapping strong arms around Enjolras. “Did I go too far?” he asked after a moment of silence in each other’s times. He felt Enjolras shake his head. “I don’t really like being trapped” He admitted softly, into the confines of Taire’s shoulder. He immediately felt Taire’ tense.

         “Why didn’t you say anything?”

         “Because I want to get over it.”

         “You should have told me-“

         “I don’t want to.”

         “Why?”

         Enjolras just shook his head. _Because it makes it all real_.

         “You didn’t have to reciprocate that-“

         “Enjolras _please_ that was easily one of the best experiences of my life. I’ve peaked, I might as well-“

         “Kiss me?” Enjolras offered, looking up.

         “That too.” Taire smiled softly, kissing the tip of Enjolras’ nose before kissing Enjolras’ lips so specifically, it was clear that it said _‘I love you’._


End file.
